Beer aur Biwi…

Biwi (Hindi) = Wife (English)

One evening at a shopping mall… what was just another shopping trip turned out to be the most hilarious experience ever! A couple, were walking down an aisle of a posh shopping mall, picking grocery for the month. Default setup, wife walking ahead and picking up stuff and a sad hubby pushing the trolley and walking behind his wife… with occasional suggestions to pick up stuff like, raisins, groundnuts then in the toys section poor fellow wanted a spider man which were all rejected with absolute disdain.

I was so much occupied watching this little sweet shopping trip that I almost forgot what I had come for. So, went straight to the toy section picked up my favorite Transformer toy and reached the checkout counter.

Long queues again, so I tuned into my channel again. The wife was at the wine and spirits section and prompting the hubby to come over to pick a beer of his choice. The section is usually close to checkout counters so I couldn’t resist and did some eavesdropping.

Wife: Which beer do you normally prefer?
Hubby: Fosters J

Wife: Ok then, lets pick up one.
Hubby: One? Only one? Are you sure? We are doing our monthly shopping!!!

Wife: (Frowns and gently warns him) Dear, just one should be fine. Always get a brand check it out and if you like it, go for it, otherwise we could always change can’t we? (She picks up the small pint bottle).

Hubby was a proud and happy man! Definitely should have got a clue here when she said “checkout the brand” and at least when she picked 1 small pint! Anyway…

They walked away, leaving me high and dry…

Well, life as it turns out is not WYSIWYG!

Next week again, I was there standing in the long queue waiting to return the toy. Yes, my wife had some “assertive discussions” with me and I was back there promptly to return my favorite toy back L

Coincidentally I met that lucky guy again! We were in the queue and started a conversation… Each of us was explaining why we were back and stuff. I congratulated him for the kind of life he enjoyed and how cool his life was. He shot back (pretty angrily)…

Guy: What? Why? Why? How?

I narrated the entire story to him and said he should thank his stars for; his wife picks his favorite beer for him every month.

What I heard after that was pretty sad… I was feeling a lot better now!

That night… (it was a Friday night)

Wife: Honey, I will put this in the fridge, it needs to be really cold right?
Hubby: Okie dear!

Wife: Tomorrow, we are going to have a fantastic day! Total relaxation! Get up late in the morning, some breakfast, then head massages and then…and then…and then…

At this point usually guys falter. So did this poor guy. He failed to check out what those “then” meant! He thought, “have beer”, “have good lunch”, “have …” what not!

Saturday:

It was a rainy day…

All went to plan till the massage part started.

Wife: Honey! (calls out from the kitchen). I am not able to find the powder which I had bought last time around at the organic beauty shop.
Hubby: Oh! Can you check the left cupboard please?
Wife: In the meanwhile, can you please get the beer out. Otherwise, it would be too cold and I can’t put up with too much cold.

Hubby: (Delighted…) Do you want me to open it right now? Its only 11:00 clock dear in the morning!

Wife: So what? Open it…and wait for me. I will be there right away!

Hubby: (thinking and cursing himself – I should have forced her to get more bottles, but anyway, at least we have made a start so it should be fine. There is always next time)

The wife comes out with a plastic bowl in her hand, deftly making some mixture. In a flash she takes the opened bottle of beer and pours little in the bowl, mixes it vigorously till it froths out and in a single action puts it on his head!

Wife: (with a twinkle in her eyes, expectantly asks) – How does it feel? Cool? Are you enjoying it? This is the new mixture which my mom suggested, and beer is the best conditioner for use with this mixture.

The fantasy world fades away from his eyes and thoughts… This is probably the closest he could get to the “Shock and Awe” treatment. For the benefit of non CNN viewing public, “Shock and Awe” was the phrase used for initial US attacks on Afghanistan/Iraq.

He takes some time, musters up all the courage in the world, clears his throat and replies…
Hubby: Huh, ha, phew, honey, it’s cool. I thought something different…

Just then he notices all the loving, caring, gentle, smiling face turn red…*&%$^#@*&…

What ever happened after that is left to your wildest possible imagination…

By the way, WYSIWYG means “What you see is what you get” It’s not always that way you see...and also grass definitely looks greener on the other side J

I had the last laugh; at least, I was better off spared with a little disappointment that I couldn’t get my favorite toy! After all I have a second chance when I could buy it for my kid!

- Ciao