"Do not expect and thou shall be disappointed" - Bible
This particular ariticle is for my dearest friend the "Known Stranger" and all those friends who keep egging me on to write...
Well, friends, there are certain things in this world wich the GOD tells you not to do and you end up DOING IT.... Not to hurt anybody but certainly yes, we guys end up doing it! - EXPECT!!
OK, Girls, this is not about taking a cheap shot at you and also guys not to glorify you, but this is what we all end up doing...
One fine day, a guy gets a call from his mom telling that she has found a girl - Krrrrrr - a guy calls up his mom and tells that he found a girl - The lifetime partner! They start burning thousands of rupees over the cellular network and at the end of 3 months end up tying a knot / pronouncing "kuboool"or say " I do"... to enter into a lifetime bond with a girl of their choice / their mother's choice.
Great change I should say! Afer wedding they get on with their lives and with the blessings of the elders all "seems" fine. They talk a lot, share a lot and not to mention the physical relationship, everything "seems" just perfect... 2 years hence...
The baby is crying out loud, the first sign of life, both the hubby and wife are happy that they have been able to reproduce (sorry about being harsh!, but yes) they are the proud parents of a kido who has stepped in for a hell of a ride in this evil world surrounded by expectations starting from the fact that the kid would be a he/she till he would become a scientist to "mera ghar ka naam roshan karega" (he will make us proud!). The husband and wife are happy; the life moves on... But if asked to put their hands on heart and say if the husband and wife are happy as a couple, well it's a debatable topic.
Office - Husband: Hey, you know what? I get to my house and see the smiling face of my kid, I forget the whole world!
Home/Office: Wife - Hey, I just live for my kid you know, he/she is such a sweet kid that I forget the whole world when I it's smiling face!
But as a couple are they happy? Read on!!!
This is typical of any couple in India, they get married and 2 years hence have to deliver a kid for their septegenarion father/mother a living doll to play with. They do diligently deliver! But as a couple what about their lives. The two lives which were put together in a "Big Brother" house? Whats this Big Brother house???
This is the name of a TV show in the UK inspired by the novel 1984 by Geroge Orwell where there is a totalitarian situation governed by a fictitious character called Big Brother who governs the lives of people in a house. The food, entertainment and lives are controlled by BigBrother and the social experiment is for the whole world to watch! Yes, that's how I describe a married life of an (initial 2 years) Indian couple's life as. They are 2 people who do not know each other, and are put together by Big Brother (dad/mom??) in a house and asked to live together. They undergo severe stress and ups and downs and during one of their weakest moments produce the baby!
The baby grows old and so do the husband and wife... The kid becomes the focal point of their lives. They live for the kid, when the kid smiles the husband and wife smile, when the kid cries, the husband and wife fight! (Why dont you do this, why dont you do that? Why cant you manage the kid why shouldn't you change the diaper? etc etc... and the life goes on!) Over a period of time the kid becomes the mode / channel of communication. Husband says to the kid - Tell your mom, we could go out for a dinner today, we could go out for a movie today!. The wife tells the kid, tell your father to bring this / that! Tell your dad the food is ready! etc., situations. At the end of the day the kid gets old enough to take any more non-sense and says "dudes, I am moving out with my new boyfriend/girlfriend!". The parents are left in the lurch. They start living together again till one of them sees the grave. Then the realisation strikes and they wait for their turn!
Tell me friends, how many of you have enocuntered this situation where in you are the medium of communication between your dad / mom?? This is a horrible situation. Well, if you are in this situation already and reading this article, what do you need to do? Tell your parents to go get a life for themselves! Tell them the following! If you are yourselves in this situation... I would suggest - Go get a life for yourselves!
There are only 2 relationships in this world which are the strongest!
1. Between a mother and child
2. Between a husband and wife!
These are the only 2 relationships in life where there is a physical connection and no matter what, they are the purest and strongest bonds that ever existed between 2 human beings! They can never give up each other!
Though the relationship between a man and a woman (husband and wife) is ir-revokable and tough to break but, why do they break? It is because of a simple fact that they do not care to give each other what they care / like the most. The husband fails to say "I Love You"/"I care for you" / "I miss you" and the wife fails to give her best on bed and bread! (Given the theory that way to a mans heart is through his stomach ;-)
So , the wisdom that's being shared here is, before you start saying "When you see your kid you forget the whole world / I forget all the troubles in life..." remember to check if you said "When I see my wife/husband I forget all the troubles in my life"... Couples - please ensure that you liven up each others life before you bring a life to earth!
- Ciao
Posts
oh - you swept me down the feet. Never I had been swept by a woman on her beauty of elegance but you flatter me. I remember one lady telling me that she turns on by man's word power. I kept dwelling over that, Now i realise how powerful the word power is. I envy you man. If I could be as good as you are in communication , vocabalary and language ofcourse the clarity in the thought process , man, I would be pleased for life time ofcourse wont be satisfied - can a man be satisfied in his life time - at least I wont or dont.
ReplyDeletewine, women has certainly given you the best wisdom, if you realy mean that by your page identification. I remember a saying - if you get a understanding woman in life, you are the happiest if you turn to be a great philosphor - not sure which cateogry you fall in. fact is i am a great fan of your words, thought process and ofcourse the sarcastic humor reciepe you add subtly way when talking about life which is invisible but enjoyable with a nail hitting the bulls eye. It uncovers certain reality but many would find it not digistable.
I am actually cynically laughing on your usage " my dearest friend". Cant help it man - i am cynical and skeptical
The concept of marriage you mentioned seems very well in line with my opinion. I am delighted the way you speak on the subject with the flow you write. If you could find time apart your regular life , I would insist to give a thought of making a journal to start with. May be you are already a regular writer in magazines or that kind.
I wish to share with you what I wrote long back on these subjects (- 2 years b4.) Certainly my english will not be as charming as yours. bear my poor language . it will be pathetic . when i read my own language - i feel so ashamed of my english.
Monday, July 11, 2005
What marriage life is?
It starts with adjustments ( for new companion)
Then it extend to compromises for small happiness ( in Tamil – sitrinbham)
Develops into give and take philosophy ( Have the pleasure and take responsibility )
Changes into sacrifice ( for the people who believe the whole world is you )
Turns into expectation ( from your kids to make you proud)
Ends up into dependency ( old age fear syndrome )
At your tomb – you would wish to write if you are alive
“ wanted to lead the life but lived the way it led”
Friday, October 07, 2005
Is Marriage similiar to a railway track ?
MARRIAGE ? YES. Marriage is like a railway track.
I am a regular train traveler . while i see the un ending parrallel track peeping through the window of a running train ,It always makes me to feel marriage is just a railway track.
Do you know what is the distances between the two rail way tracks globally ?
14. 8 ½”
What a strange measurement ? Do you know why so? It is a very interesting story to know.
The roman chariot wheel distanced 14.8½ “ and railway tracks were also build with this in mind after the chariots got extinct.How funny ? And marriages are very interesting and funny like these railway tracks.
Marriage is a union of two mind, body, and soul similar to a railway track. It is a two track system with family as the carriage. When two people get married they are like tracks running along side by side for the rest of their life for a happy family , keeping the same distance . being close with the same distance apart for life time. Even if one wants move a little further away or little closer, that would end up against the rules to topple the carriage called family.
A marriage is to live the rest of our lives in set of rules laid by some one. We never know who made, why it was made and on what logic. Yet we have to live the rest of our lives with the set of laid rules like those horses of ROMAN’S chariot keeping the eyes on the track.
In short time after 2 -3 years of marriage ( sure after 10 years - when your kid is 8-9) , it would or can make you tired yet we should not and cannot think of altering the distances of the railway track. We are supposed to think of our children, think of their future, our future , have to be sensible and have to be like two railway tracks that remain with the same distance apart all the way from the starting station till their end of destiny.
As the rule, Railways didnt change or allowed to change the track distance to a full number 15 for long time. Similiarly , the rules of marriage don’t allow you to live as you want. We have to maintain the enthusiasm of first few years, the same functional nature. Our purpose of life changes in next few years. We have to maintain the carriage of life to head off our generation into future. We have to follow the rules of marriage with out knowing the reason why and what for . We may never know the logic behind . we wont never find out too and we will have like that of without knowing why the tracks are 14.8 ½ “ apart.
And the worst thing is we should never even think of finding not why it is so, or the logic on set of marriage rules?. The logic may be so absurd like why the tracks distance are 14.8 ½ “ inch ,when never a horse chariot ran over the railway track. But for long time carriage or wagon is built with same breath of ester years ROMANs measurement.
And marriage has a set of rules that we are not supposed to break or change. not even think of question the set of rules . If we do - we are freak by our own surroundings. If we are not happy with something that is not working out, we should not think of changing but think of our children, we brought into world as consequences of our 11 minutes pleasure.- A reproduction of every speices . We should think of society and have to show the world we are happy, should have parties & outing on week ends, go on vacation, dress up new for social meetings and dress up in such a way that every one thinks that we are in perfect harmony. We should not glance aside which will have temptation for living the life as we want and for ourself. The carriages dont think of how it wanted to be but have to run on tracks for passengers .
Though these rules are established long ago should not question and must be respected. Who established these rules ? That doesn’t matter We should not question them because they are supposed to apply even if we don’t agree with them..
Lets run like the modern sophisticated carriages on the track of Romans that has no more any significance
This is what I observe in an Indian marriage and I am eccentric, freak, insensible , a rebellion as I question the whole process.
The unfortunate is every one says this is life and this is how it has to be live.
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i have many more of these crap talks - I do know it will irritate you as it is horrible to read my english and even i feel the same some time. felt of sharing thatz it.
By the way - i am still cynically laughing on your usage " my dearest friend Known stranger"