MAA – LHR – JFK

Yes, those who have done an international travel might have guessed it… These are the acronyms of 3 international airports, MADRAS – LONDON – NEW YORK.

International travels usually involve lot of transit time which probably is the best time for you to be with yourselves for;

1. You cannot call home because you would invariably have switched off your mobiles as they would not be useful the moment you board a flight.
2. International calls are quite expensive and even if you talk it would be usually for few minutes.
3. One invariably travels alone…

Our protagonist, Kittu, (who, detests travel from the bottom of his heart), albeit, alights at London. And friends, as Henry Boye, a famous author says, “The most important trip you may take in life is meeting people halfway”… This story is about a travel our protagonist makes during which he meets two people in this journey halfway, literally and metaphorically.

International travel necessarily involves an early check-in, excruciatingly thorough security check and finally a long wait before you could board the flight. Kittu is a frequent traveler especially in the MAA – JFK route… Using his expertise in buttering the check-in assistants, he has deftly managed to check-in his excess baggage with all the “podi” (powder used for cooking) and pickles. During the exercise he could not avoid coming in contact with the ubiquitous travelers in this route… a “maama” and a “maami” (typical way to address south Indian, especially a Brahmin uncle and aunty).

These maamas and maamis are a species in themselves. They are uniquely identifiable. They have a style of their own. Maama usually would be wearing a T-shirt that invariably reads some University name or some park or zoo name or some arbitrary US city name, a formal pant into which the T-shirt would be tucked into, a pair of sneakers and of course grey hair sometimes bald with a cap which is the same genre as the T-shirt and finally sporting a pair of glasses with suspenders. Maami would typically be wearing a bright Kancheepuram silk saree, dazzling 9 stone diamond studded earrings and a formal leather bag…

As I was describing a typical maama and a maami they had sought Kittu’s expertise in getting their excess baggage as well checked in...

Now that the baggage was checked in, Kittu decides to check out the book store and pick up couple of travel books… which by the way no body reads in the flight as there are more interesting things to do.

Usually there are quite a few things which keeps you ticking during these flights like, the in flight entertainment, working out the scrap food and of course drinks, the challenge of making your way to or from a window seat to the loo in mid-air and finally dealing with your neighbor for sometime up to 24hrs. So, coming back to kittu, he picks up couple of travel books and makes his way to the waiting lounge and picks the pricey seat facing the TV and settles down.

Maama and maami after a grueling security check wander into the waiting lounge and the moment they see kittu, their eyes light up. Basically they were seeing their son Srini in Kittu…

In the inimitable style, Maami starts off a conversation with Kittu;

Maami: Hi, sorry I don’t remember what you said your name was?
Kittu: Krishnaswamy – in short kittu. (No smiles and no formalities, he gets back to his book)

Maami: Oh, so can I call you kittu then?
Kittu: (Grins) Oh yes…
Maama and maami settle down and try to keep to themselves, but cannot.

Usually when south Indian parents see some kid (specifically guys, I will talk about reaction to girls in a bit…) they suddenly feel as if they are looking at a Tsunami victim and that they need to help. They want to talk to the guy, check out how he is doing offer advice and counseling as if he needed it very badly and had written SAVE on his forehead and back…

With girls, the treatment would be totally different. They would talk to only a beautiful girl who they think would be an ideal match for their son. The story is a bit different if they have a daughter though…

Anyways, coming to the main story… Maami has been successful in starting a conversation off with Kittu… They have been talking for about 20 minutes now, basically around where he is from and what his family background is… Given that everything was perfect about Kittu, Maami wanted to convey her side of the story (which Kittu was trying to avoid), the story about her son, his achievements and convince that, if not better she and her family was also equally perfect…

Maami: So, Kittu, tell me, where do you work?
Kittu: BAE – London. (BAE is, British Aeronautical pioneer and it is equivalent to working at NASA)…

Maami: Oh, so you are not working in San Francisco is it? (In a tone which suggested as if it was his failure to make it to Silicon Valley)
Kittu: (Getting a feel of what is coming) No…

Maami passes on this information to Maama who is busy reading the news paper. He acknowledges the receipt of the message with an agreeing nod.

During this time, Kittu is getting a little bit fidgety. But Maami returns…

Maami: So, Kittu, what do you do in your job.
Kittu: I am a design engineer at BAE.

Maami: Oh, so you are not in software?
Kittu: NO..

Maami: (sympathetically) Ok…
Maami: You didn’t ask us where we are headed to…

Kittu: I know maami, I helped you check-in… I know you are traveling to New York and then to New Jersey...
Maami: Oh, yeah, smart boy huh?
Kittu: (wanting to avoid further discussions) Yes…

Maami: (noticing that Kittu’s answers are in monosyllables) Hope I am not bothering you…
Kittu: No maami, it’s OK.

Just then they get the boarding call and off they go… Kittu, rushes to the queue and gets into the aircraft and finds his seat. Being a frequent traveler, he had picked an aisle seat as it was strategically significant especially during the mid-air loo sojourns. Sorts out the pillow and shawl… During these travels it is quite important as to whom your neighbor is... It could be a babe, an intelligent beautiful girl (read as life partner), a business tycoon, a senior manager from a different firm (read as - new job) or alternatively, a crying baby, a nagging nanny or sometimes the fateful maama and maami.

Now having settled down himself, as people pass by he just wishes “No not this one, thank God” and at times “yeah this one please” but only to despair. He then sights maama and maami making their way towards his seat. He had totally forgotten that they were next to him in the queue and had helped them with their check-in and our typical Indian check-in assistant had put them all together in the greater good of elders…

Kittu is in absolute despair and resigns to his fate! To add to the despair, he notices that he had left the travel books at the waiting lounge…

Ladies and Gentlemen please fasten your seat belts………………

Take off was pretty peaceful and Kittu couldn’t wait for the headsets. In the meanwhile, maami, gets started again from where she left off…

Maami: So, my dear son… where is your office you said?
Kittu: London.

Maami: Oh, yeah I remember now…

Maami: My son works in software… he is doing pretty well in US.
Kittu: Ok…

At this point of time, the conversation is turning into an interrogation… More questions on work, promotions, lifestyle …And then the million dollar question arrives…

Maami: How is the pay in London? Heard its quite costly over there…
Kittu: (notwithstanding the tormenting) Yeah it is costly but manageable.

Maami: Ok, but my son gets paid 100K $ - and they have given him house and a car. Also, food is free for him in his office…
Kittu: Oh, good…so it not bad huh?

Maami: (Totally perplexed) do you mean to say that salary is not good for my son? Is he being exploited…
Kittu: (Grabbing this opportunity to play a little game)… No, no I guess the salary is definitely good enough to survive…

Maami: (She cannot believe that there could be someone who is doing better than her son, strategically she has lost the ground) How much do you get paid then?
Kittu: (With a straight face) 450000 Pounds. Which is nearly 900000 $.

Maami: I cannot believe it… huh, I mean good for you.

(she knew, it couldn’t be true and was frustrated that a kid of her son’s age wouldn’t be interested in talking to her… she was not being rude so far, probably a bit intrusive… but it was OK)

Then the retaliation starts in the form of a lecture on how some people get paid more than what they deserve and the throw away money that youngsters have, the concept of savings and holds a moral high ground that what ever is deserving only sticks… Kittu, in the meanwhile receives his much awaited headset and leaves Maami to rant … Having lost the battle, Maami was just waiting for some point which would put her back in the high ground. At this point, drinks get served and Kittu promptly orders for a Jack Daniel’s with Coke…

Maami: Do you drink? My son doesn’t… he is a teetotaler. He is very pious and definitely much better as compared to other kids.

She puts the ball back in Kittu’s court, with a heavy blow to his character and how it is not sufficient to just earn money but to live the values as well, how kids cheat on their parents and exploit their freedom etc., She bludgeons him with the “moral value” club and Kittu is now devastated. What started off as a prank cost him quite heavily! He was certainly not happy with himself.

Maami, after dealing the brilliant blow excused herself to the restroom and to rub salt into the wound she switched places with the Maama! At this point of time good 3 hrs of haranguing had passed by and the flight was over the Arabian Sea nearing Dubai… Not able to comprehend why he did whatever he did. His comments were after all not intentional. He wanted to come good. He wanted to clarify, but he realized it was a tad late.

He was reminded of a book which he had read during one such journey, “Blue Highways” by William Least Heat Moon. An autobiography based on a soul searching 13,000 mile road trip. The author says “What you've done becomes the judge of what you're going to do - especially in other people's minds. When you're traveling, you are what you are right there and then. People don't have your past to hold against you. No yesterdays on the road.” He did not need further hint as to what he should do next…

Kittu, notices some vacant seats 2 rows ahead and requests for a change in place so that he could stretch himself. He does not have the faintest idea that someone else could also be thinking the same…

Kittu settles down in a window seat and looks down at the beautiful expanse of desert sand, and a nanny walks by and settles down just a seat away from him at the aisle. Both share a friendly smile and exchange pleasantries. He notices the English lady’s accent was Indian then British… this was sufficient for him to start off a conversation. The old lady tells him a beautiful story of her childhood and her marriage that happened at Bangalore – Holy Trinity church. She was born and brought up in Bangalore, Cox town area and left to England in 1950 along with other settlers. Her love for India, the stories of her teenage adventures in exploring Indian villages and her bicycle ride through the mustard fields took Kittu away into a wonder land.

This was a story never heard off… it was like watching a movie “1949 a Love Story”. Kittu’s perspective about British took a “U – Turn”. His recent experiences at work place, the racism row in the Big Brother series and little acts of discrimination in his neighborhood had forged an inexcusable attitude towards the British. His initial feeling that he is interacting with a foreigner had faded. He felt as if he is talking to his own “paati” (nanny as referred in Tamil language). He fell in love with that story and his fellow passenger was now his own paati.

He changed seats and moved next to the nanny who had by then had couple of Gin and Tonic and our hero had quite a few drinks to get tizzy (usually a few drinks in mid-air would get you to a state of trance quicker than on land). Kittu got into the standard assurance act. He assured granny that he would take care of her all through the flight and would do what ever it takes to make her feel comfortable…

Just then, some food was served which Kittu hogged and before he could finish, he could hear his tummy rumbling. He started sweating profusely and was feeling really uncomfortable… He requested the nanny to switch places and asked for the aisle seat. Nanny handed him the air-sickness bag and Kittu was filling and disposing bag after bag… He crashed…Assurances were kept… Only that it was nanny who had done it.

PA system blared…Ladies and Gentlemen we are about to land at the London Heathrow International Airport. For passengers alighting at London, thanks for choosing to fly with us and others please remain seated while we board our fellow passengers from London to JFK…

This announcement woke up Kittu… He couldn’t wait to get out of the plane and head home, his sweet home…

Following day he pondered over his travel and felt it was not bad after all and that probably he had learnt more than what could have from the travel book he had left back at the waiting lounge…

No one realizes how beautiful it is to travel until he comes home and rests his head on his old, familiar pillow. ~Lin Yutang a famous Chinese writer and inventor.

- Ciao

Men @ work!

I would like to share an interesting piece from the book “Why men lie and women cry” by Allan and Barbara Pease. This book extensively talks about relationships which by the way you all know is my favorite topic!

They say that men have not changed much since their Neanderthal days. In the good old days, they were primarily tasked with hunting and feeding their families. It was their day job and also a sort of sport because hunting involved moving targets and the challenges that came with it. As the human race evolved, men continued to do what their ancestors did. Even today, man does a day job to earn a living and either participates or keenly follows sports on TV for recreation. Most of the sports, especially ball games (say baseball, cricket etc,) which were invented in 1800 and 1900’s involve chasing a moving target!!

I would like to add that the only innovation is that we have started chasing not only balls but also, girls on scooty, cars and busses (again moving targets). Other than that I don’t think there has been some significant evolutionary change in the way men lead their life.

Probably we still are the same cave men living in costlier/rented caves which are aesthetically designed ;-)

- Ciao

Indiyeah!

“Games Indians play – Why are we the way we are” is a new book which has hit the stands recently. The author V. Raghunathan has used game theory and behavioral economics to explain the Indianness of Indians. In this book Mr. Raghunathan explains and rationales as to why we Indians are individually smart but collectively dumb… Though the book is a little intellectually heavy, it makes a good reading as the author tries to put forward the game theory and behavioral economics in layman’s terms.

Why I am writing about this book is especially because, this book justifies my earlier discussion on “altruism”. The author says that even an altruist is selfish, as, in a way when he/she does an unselfish act it eventually is for his/her own happiness in return. This made me feel really happy that my discussion on altruism is not just a trivial thought but is a topic amongst some of the greatest minds.

J I cannot be more modest can I ;-) Well, well, well.

Just when I had completed reading this book, an interesting incident happened at my work place which went on to justify Mr. Raghunathan’s views that we Indians have weak self regulation and weaker regulations, weak enforcements and weaker punishments.

Now, see the following situation… How many of us apply for a leave and do not return on the day when we are supposed to be back? I guess all of us have done this at some point of time. Given the great manager I consider myself, I follow a unique principle which is to grant leave to anybody at any point of time without asking questions/clarification. In return I agreed with my team that if they commit to return on a day they better keep it up.

One of my team members does not turn up and violates the mutual agreement. In this case though he has earned himself an additional day’s leave, and some satisfaction points, he has lost the credibility and reward points from me in the long run. I was stupefied at the analysis of game theorists on human behavior, especially Mr. Raghunathan’s analysis of Indians. Because, the situation described above is not a common one abroad. Think this through my friends, why will not rest of the world glaringly looked down at us in spite of all the brilliance we have? We need to start working towards improving our behavior soon, as, when the world truly becomes a global village, we could soon become outcasts.

The callousness with which we have behaved in the recent incidents relating to beating up of a petty thief in Bihar, an unattended bleeding naked woman in CST terminus in the busy Mumbai suburban rail compartment, the inconsiderate sting operations for the sake of money, broadcasting gory images of Hyderabad bomb blasts are few other examples of Indianness which further vindicate Mr. Raghunathan’s views/claims.

On the other hand, recently, there are quite a few programs being aired in Discovery channel that discuss/portray India in a good light. This is a paradigm shift from the days when the world media made documentaries only about our plight around poverty situation, illiteracy, AIDS and health care issues. Especially program about Delhi Metro was heartening. Programs about young Indian business tycoons on the breakfast show on CNN IBN show how well we as a nation are progressing in terms of entrepreneurship.

All said and done, we need to think if we should take pride in the phrases, “It happens only in India” and “We are like that only”!

- Ciao

Parenting!

"A hundred years from now it will not matter what your bank account was, or the kind of car you drove...but the world may be different because you were important in the life of a child." Kathy Davis.

Probably it was not that difficult for our parents to bring us up. In the Indian setup, right from Vedas to the social setup there is a proven, time tested framework. Formulae = “I will bring up the child the way my mom did” (there are exceptions to this but we are not talking about exceptions here) and as mentioned in Chanakya niti – First 5 years bring up your child as a darling, for the next 5 scold them, as they turn 16, be their friend!

These days, parenting is portrayed as an art form. Just like we have been pushed to outsourcing our own finances, there is a bigger plot to get the same done for parenting! It might not be too late before we have a degree for parenting. What have you done? B.A in Parenting!

How you treat your children? How you manage their expectations, their questions? What opportunities you provide them? …Every thing, just about everything has changed.

I can vouch that 25 years ago, children grew up more organically. They got to play in the mud, walk through the woods, play in the parks, rode the bicycle on roads and especially got to know the right stuff at the right age…! Technical, economic and socio limitations also helped parents a great deal in bringing up the children easily. With much less questions to answer life was definitely peaceful for them.

With changing times, technical advancements and commercialization we are in the age of “Glucon dads and Moov moms”... Less number of parks and playing area has meant that the child is glued to the TV set… They meet their friends on Orkut! Social networking happens in the virtual world and reality TV shows are the favorite.

Every technical innovation has changed our societal set up… Shaving was an activity reserved for a specific caste. But Gillette changed it all. So did this huge country and its society.

What are the triggers, what should you look out for? – “Spare the rod spoil the child” approach is obsolete…Can our time tested formula withstand the onslaught of technological advances and commercialization? Is the Indian parenting technique sound enough and have the wherewithal to go the distance in this Orkut age?

Do we have to unlearn and re-learn? T.H.I.N.K…

-Ciao

Bookstore...

Last weekend, I visited Crossword bookstore in Bangalore. I love visiting a bookstore. There are a couple of reasons for that. One, it is the only place in Bangalore where you don't have to maneuver around and rub shoulders with “Who’s that???” of Bangalore, and the second is I love reading!

With the coming of stores like Crossword and Landmark, concept of a bookstore has changed a lot. It is not anymore a place where you do quick shopping by telling the title and the store keeper dusting it and bringing it to the checkout counter. There is more crowd and more books! Also, I could see people have started using it as a landmark. Nowadays in cities like Chennai and Bangalore, Landmark has become a “landmark” for people to meet up and plan further.

The socio-cultural anthropologist in me was awakened... I picked up an arbitrary book and started reading the place and people. It was quite interesting.

First section is usually the blockbusters and new entrants neatly merchandised. Usually the most effective sales area, as most people end up buying a book from this section. Next is the Fiction and Murder mysteries section which incidentally is the best selling section as most of us want to live in the fictitious or parallel world and all of us at some point wish to kill someone for various reasons but only that it is not possible and we at least take some respite by reading murder mysteries. To the right of murder mysteries is the self help section. Though the books were mostly on management and "how to become a millionaire" kind of stuff, name of the section “Self-help” was kind of repulsive. None of us want to be seen standing in the self help section especially if we are a little conscious about the beautiful girls around.

Yes, by the way bookstore is brilliant place to meet and pursue girls who are more often than not are available. Other than the obvious reasons which is to buy a book and waiting for their boyfriend, they also visit a book store because, they do not have a boyfriend and or they have been recently dumped and want to go to a public place which is calm and or will calm them down.

Coming back to the layout, the section next to self help is management books. I don’t understand why, is it because managers need self help? Anyways,

Just after the fiction section come the classics. This section is a good place to be, because whichever book you pickup, it would make you look like a guy with a big brain and beautiful heart. Surprisingly, this is the least selling section in the book house.

Then there is the non-fiction, religion and philosophy section. Usually guys who have been dumped or who have not managed a girl friend in their life can be seen here, with a khadi kurtha, thick rimmed glasses and possibly bearded. Some times you will find the “Namdhari” crowd as well in this section. With heavy J. Krishnamurthy book in their hand, they are a conspicuous lot. Looking at them, when I project the data at hand, the number of karma yogis our land produces must turn our country instantly to a puniya bhoomi or something…but that doesn’t seem to be the case.

Just next to the philosophy section is psychology followed by romance and relationships which leads into erotica. Though not many want to look like perverts or people who need self help in their romance life, every single soul takes a quick peek at these sections. They hold the book in hand but don’t seem to read. After a little it more observation I understood the modus operandi. People take the book, and keep looking around to see if anybody is watching them, and quickly glance through the pages to get a glimpse of photos and illustrations. After all who is bothered about the theory, when you can get to see some action? Few minutes in the section and they move on, only to return back now and then.

All the sections mentioned above form the right hand side area of the book store. To the left is where actual business is, where serious readers are, and most importantly the checkout counter is. Books on specific businesses, arts, crafts, children books, workbooks, cuisine, architecture, computer books et, all.

In this country of free riders, book stores are no exception. There are people who read through the costly photo albums of stars and cricketers at the book store without paying a single penny.

Typical people who visit a book store are parents and kids who have come to search for a workbook which the school had prescribed in the desirable section (not even under the necessary category), guys in their late 20’s who have not managed a girl friend or who have been just dumped and have to kill some time during the weekend and at the same time not feel guilty for having wasted the time, girls in mid 20’s same as their counterparts, uncles and aunties who care for the environment and aesthetics, old parents accompanied by their single son/daughter in his/her 40s, recently married couple who have just bought a new house, looking for architecture or a cuisine book, married guys who have dropped their wives off at a beauty parlor not knowing how long it would take before they get the all important missed call!

This might sound preposterous, preconceived and prejudiced, but please, please, please… before commenting on this blog post, I suggest, you visit a book store again say Landmark or Crossword and then do the honors.

- Ciao

Altruistic

There is no “unselfish generous deed” in this world! I didn’t say it. Joey in F.R.I.E.N.D.S says it. He proves it as well. Though comical, it was quite a statement and I definitely was hooked on to it for quite some time.

Why on earth do we have words that do not have meaning or non existent? Human brain always has this weird sense of finding things like this. Later we develop a framework for this and get people to follow/use it. Next natural step is to judge ourselves and beat people for not leading a good life! If you have not come across the phrase "unselfish generous act", how about words like "ethics" and "morals"?

This thought was sufficient for me to find out or do at least 1 unselfish generous act or ethical practice or at least a moral value. I am so obsessed now to do that one act which would prove me wrong, and vindicate rest of the human race for coining such phrases and words...

Neanderthal man killed fellow human beings to feed on / survive in their age. In the current age cannibalism is chastised...what was then acceptable is not now.

Freedom struggle: Did Mahatma fight for the freedom of our country was it an unselfish generous act? He and Millions laid down their lives for our freedom. They are called martyrs because they laid down their lives for the cause of freedom from occupying powers. Could the same be told about Osama and millions of other terrorists who are fighting the occupying forces?

NO. Definitely not. I do not want to sully the Mahatma by comparing with Osama. Hope you understand that discussion on the same plane is just for argument sake. I would like to discuss this to understand the topic of ethics, morals and altruism better.

OK, so, are jihadi's same as our freedom fighters (as the cause is noble and common, which is to get rid of their occupying forces)? Their approach was different though...Jihadis take lives of people for a cause and freedom fighters gave their lives for a cause. How on earth is this ethical/moral? I am stunted to understand this concept :-(

Recently there was a discussion between 2 senior management people (x and y), a senior member (say - z) had quit the organization and started off a venture on his own. Now there was a project in the organization he had quit and tender was floated. Tenders were evaluated and it was now between 2 companies. One was Mr.Z's and other a proven industry leader. Mr. X rejects the proposal of Mr. Z's company telling that if the contract were to be given to Mr.Z it would raise "ethical" questions as Mr.X knew Mr.Z up close. Now, this triggered a series of discussions and I brainstormed over this topic to understand if I had really found moksha at last...

Look at the situation. Mr.X believes he has done an unselfishly generous act on the other company or he that has upheld the ethical and moral values. Is it true? Would you agree to that? I initially did. But if I were to look at it from a different perspective, Mr.Z was in fact denied an opportunity by Mr.X. What was Mr.Z's fault? Is it that he happened to know Mr.X? Who is to be blamed? I gave this some more thought!

Lets take another example, ethical hacking! This is a very modern technological concept. I am again confused...Who governs what constitutes to "ethical" in hacking?

Gay marriage or way of life - we are rewriting morals even here!

So, coming back to my question, isn't ethics, morals and unselfishness surreal?

I believe concepts like these vary from generation to generation. A common book on ethics and morals need to be published probably once for every generation. Also, elders should not quote from their "code book" whilst censuring us on any of our activities, for, the moral and ethical codes might have changed!

Last time I referred the code books, I remember, it said extra marital affair was bad, has it changed? Hey, please do not misconstrue that I am trying to make a case for it...And who said I could write only about relationships ;-)

- Tata