Recently I was watching a TV program on "Big fat Indian Weddings"... It was quite an interesting program to watch. I too have had the wonderful opportunity to be a part of many and experience one for myself. And today at office I heard someone have "Maalai maatrinaal, kothai maalai maatrinal" (a famous song played during a typical South Indian, specifically Tamil weddings) as their ring tone. I thought I should share my experience and views on big fat Indian weddings…
I have always wondered why Indian weddings are called “Big fat Indian wedding”. Mind you, this thought did not cross my mind after watching the program or after the wedding party of Lakshmi Mittal’s daughter or Aish/Abhi, but much before that. My family as such is a well accomplished one and we have had at least one foreigner visiting all of the marriages that have ever happened in our family. Mine too was not an exception. And all these foreigners were flabbergasted by the event. In particular, the efficiency with which the event management is done. It is the orchestration of various parties involved in a wedding without dry runs and project management group meetings that makes this a unique accomplishment. An Indian wedding is a very valid example of our innate abilities in terms of managing crowd/people, food, financel, expectation and over all project/event management.
In a typical multi national corporate there is lot of emphasis on the above mentioned management skills. I find that all these aspects are well tested in a typical Indian wedding party than any other wedding ceremony around the globe. I used the term ‘crowd management’ because, we are talking about somewhere in the range of 1200 – 1500 and though most of the people invited to a wedding are our friends and family, in one form or the other, they all behave the same as any other mass public gathering, say, a pop music festival or carnival. So, managing the people becomes a critical issue in Indian weddings. The same applies to financial management for an Indian wedding which is probably the longest (21 years typically) and the most complex activity which is comparable to any investment banker’s effort.
Setting this corporate thought aside, wedding parties are usually a fantastic gathering of people and great occasion to catch up with long lost relatives and friends. Most wedding parties bring back fond memories and anecdotes which, more often than not is common to one and all. Some interesting highlights that I can remember of…
Especially as children during primary and secondary schooling days whenever any wedding was planned or discussed about, it used to be honey to ears… Reasons for seeking leave would range from unimaginative stomach pain to a creative once in a lifetime ceremony at home or a medical emergency…I am sure we all have told our share of ‘True Lies’.
During our adolescent stages, we were not much eager to socialize and wanted to be just left alone. Our parents would force us to attend some wedding party, and suggest that we mark an attendance and push off from there, the moment we have had breakfast/lunch/dinner. After all the coercion and cajoling we used to grace the weddings with our auspicious presence… what was supposed to have been a flying visit, some times turned into fantasy flights…
When I talked about graduating through the system, I did mean it. Drawing parallel to the convocation day, in weddings it is the day when we grow up and get to arrange the nuptials room. It is a thrilling experience to be a part of that elite team of graduates. It is an acknowledgement from elders that we have been formally inducted into the “adult” club… The reason for “” is, in
Wedding parties have the other side to them too…It would be unfair to say that all the weddings have left us only with pleasant memories. There were instances with a difficult relative who cribbed and compared the size of ladoos (spherical Indian sweet) with his son/daughter’s wedding, someone insisting on a particular brand of health drink and that too at 12 in the mid-night and other such unreasonable “requests” which had consequences if not addressed. The omni-present petty fights and silly arguments always added spice to the proceedings.
The insatiable appetite to do things better in all the spheres of a wedding with just one objective of keeping the groom’s people happy all through takes it toll… I would like to take the discussion a little bit north wards and share some of my thoughts and views on the consequences of big fat Indian weddings…this might be a little heavy and might make you feel as if you are watching the second half of a typical Indian film, with all the comedy being over in the first half and drama and climax in the second half… J but still, I guess it is worth it... read on!
The most important consequence of big fat Indian wedding has been the gory episodes of female infanticide in
A very idealistic friend of mine has strong views against big fat Indian weddings. He says that one of the very important reasons for female infanticide in our country is because of these big fat Indian weddings. Many parents with a girl child start saving for the marriage fund the day a girl child is born. The event has turned into an overhead and concept of dowry came out as the undesirable offshoot of this otherwise fun family party.
The big fat Indian wedding party music turns into a screeching cry of a female infant in some remote village government clinic or care center for abandoned female infants. The ramification of female infanticide is inconceivable… Imagine a day when there would be only men and no women in this country! It’s ticking time bomb and will create a biological imbalance…Will we probably witness our own extinction?
Though the government has come out strongly against dowry practice and has put in stringent laws and measures to curtail this practice it has taken a different avatar so to say. Today, wedding parties have become an arena of competition for grandiosity. This is like the arms race in
Following questions race through my mind and I am sure by now, in yours too…Do we need to have such big fat weddings at all? Are we abetting a crime? Should we take a win-win approach by which we can enjoy the party and be socially responsible as well? Can we get innovative and tackle the issue by having laws which provide guidelines on wedding expenses which need to be declared and approved before a wedding ceremony, just like the one we have for election campaigns?
I had a big fat Indian wedding myself but at least I am quite happy to have realized the root cause for a more severe and fundamental problem. I am convinced that we need to ponder over this thought to come up with some action plan.
Spread the word; let us see what others have to say on this.
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