Great Expectations!

"Do not expect and thou shall be disappointed" - Bible

This particular ariticle is for my dearest friend the "Known Stranger" and all those friends who keep egging me on to write...

Well, friends, there are certain things in this world wich the GOD tells you not to do and you end up DOING IT.... Not to hurt anybody but certainly yes, we guys end up doing it! - EXPECT!!

OK, Girls, this is not about taking a cheap shot at you and also guys not to glorify you, but this is what we all end up doing...

One fine day, a guy gets a call from his mom telling that she has found a girl - Krrrrrr - a guy calls up his mom and tells that he found a girl - The lifetime partner! They start burning thousands of rupees over the cellular network and at the end of 3 months end up tying a knot / pronouncing "kuboool"or say " I do"... to enter into a lifetime bond with a girl of their choice / their mother's choice.

Great change I should say! Afer wedding they get on with their lives and with the blessings of the elders all "seems" fine. They talk a lot, share a lot and not to mention the physical relationship, everything "seems" just perfect... 2 years hence...

The baby is crying out loud, the first sign of life, both the hubby and wife are happy that they have been able to reproduce (sorry about being harsh!, but yes) they are the proud parents of a kido who has stepped in for a hell of a ride in this evil world surrounded by expectations starting from the fact that the kid would be a he/she till he would become a scientist to "mera ghar ka naam roshan karega" (he will make us proud!). The husband and wife are happy; the life moves on... But if asked to put their hands on heart and say if the husband and wife are happy as a couple, well it's a debatable topic.

Office - Husband: Hey, you know what? I get to my house and see the smiling face of my kid, I forget the whole world!

Home/Office: Wife - Hey, I just live for my kid you know, he/she is such a sweet kid that I forget the whole world when I it's smiling face!

But as a couple are they happy? Read on!!!

This is typical of any couple in India, they get married and 2 years hence have to deliver a kid for their septegenarion father/mother a living doll to play with. They do diligently deliver! But as a couple what about their lives. The two lives which were put together in a "Big Brother" house? Whats this Big Brother house???

This is the name of a TV show in the UK inspired by the novel 1984 by Geroge Orwell where there is a totalitarian situation governed by a fictitious character called Big Brother who governs the lives of people in a house. The food, entertainment and lives are controlled by BigBrother and the social experiment is for the whole world to watch! Yes, that's how I describe a married life of an (initial 2 years) Indian couple's life as. They are 2 people who do not know each other, and are put together by Big Brother (dad/mom??) in a house and asked to live together. They undergo severe stress and ups and downs and during one of their weakest moments produce the baby!

The baby grows old and so do the husband and wife... The kid becomes the focal point of their lives. They live for the kid, when the kid smiles the husband and wife smile, when the kid cries, the husband and wife fight! (Why dont you do this, why dont you do that? Why cant you manage the kid why shouldn't you change the diaper? etc etc... and the life goes on!) Over a period of time the kid becomes the mode / channel of communication. Husband says to the kid - Tell your mom, we could go out for a dinner today, we could go out for a movie today!. The wife tells the kid, tell your father to bring this / that! Tell your dad the food is ready! etc., situations. At the end of the day the kid gets old enough to take any more non-sense and says "dudes, I am moving out with my new boyfriend/girlfriend!". The parents are left in the lurch. They start living together again till one of them sees the grave. Then the realisation strikes and they wait for their turn!

Tell me friends, how many of you have enocuntered this situation where in you are the medium of communication between your dad / mom?? This is a horrible situation. Well, if you are in this situation already and reading this article, what do you need to do? Tell your parents to go get a life for themselves! Tell them the following! If you are yourselves in this situation... I would suggest - Go get a life for yourselves!

There are only 2 relationships in this world which are the strongest!

1. Between a mother and child

2. Between a husband and wife!

These are the only 2 relationships in life where there is a physical connection and no matter what, they are the purest and strongest bonds that ever existed between 2 human beings! They can never give up each other!

Though the relationship between a man and a woman (husband and wife) is ir-revokable and tough to break but, why do they break? It is because of a simple fact that they do not care to give each other what they care / like the most. The husband fails to say "I Love You"/"I care for you" / "I miss you" and the wife fails to give her best on bed and bread! (Given the theory that way to a mans heart is through his stomach ;-)

So , the wisdom that's being shared here is, before you start saying "When you see your kid you forget the whole world / I forget all the troubles in life..." remember to check if you said "When I see my wife/husband I forget all the troubles in my life"... Couples - please ensure that you liven up each others life before you bring a life to earth!

- Ciao

Oru Iravu...**

** One Night…

This is the Friday before Christmas and its 9.30PM...Head office of one of the largest retailers in the world, UK. The weather outside is just about freezing and looks like it would snow anytime. I have some company though, couple of electricians and some good music over the radio amplified by a BOSE speaker. They too seem to be finishing their work and leaving for the day. It is one of those nights which any sensible guy would want to spend with family and friend. But I have got neither at this lonely moment. I was the "chosen one" to monitor a black and green UNIX box for a magic number of 200. Nothing much for the brain cells to crunch on. So here I am, munching some grub and writing this blog. I had a choice.

1. To think of my fate and brood over it or
2. To enjoy this very special moment as it revealed itself.

I chose the later. Well, it’s been quite an experience and worth sharing.

This office does not have CCTV. So I am the master of this little universe at this hour when there’s nobody but God watching over me. I can literally do whatever I want or wish.
People whom we meet each day in office in a distant land from India are always a mystery. They usually do not talk much and keep themselves restricted to their "personal space". There are some intriguing facts about westerners at office. They seem to have a dress for all occasions, they come to office by bicycles, constantly keep munching something or the other, always have some lotion to apply, a vacation they have been just back from or going to, their dogs, cats and pets, so on and so forth. What I am about to say might be disturbing to many of you. mmm... I decided to intrude into their personal space!!

Yes, I took myself on a small tour around the desks especially some of the mystery figures. At the end of my journey, it was a revelation. Stuff I found in this office space was beyond anybody’s imagination.

Ms. Beauty Saloon: This is the desk of one of the most beautiful girls / lady in my office. Obvious choice, for the first stop. On her desk I found that she had truck loads of tissue papers, a small bottle of Nivea cold cream, a L’Oreal’s tan brown lipstick and a cute shell comb. Mind you this is an office desk and not a makeup table. No wonder, even after walk through our parkway from the other building on a windy day she is all decked up for the most important meeting with our boss. I used to look like a barbaric early Neolithic man with hair all over the place, dry hands and whitened elbow joints. I can understand the make up kit. But what could possibly explain the presence of a box which reads "Wonder bra!!”... Uh, it is beyond my reasoning capabilities. Its better unexplained. A fur coat, pedicure file, mobile charger, cute teddy bears and other possible soft toys....and the list of office stationary is endless so I should say - et al.

Mr. Muncher's Desk: My dear muncher sits few desks to the left of Ms. Beauty saloon. Well, his desk is a small convenience store. Should anybody at office feel hungry and not find anything at the vending machine / pantry, I would suggest they lookout for Muncher's desk. Food stocked at his desk is sufficient to eliminate poverty in large parts of Africa. Decorated fruit bowl (with fruits obviously), nuts, cake biscuits, cakes, chocolates, can of juice, sandwich, ketchup, salt, pepper, plates, plastic spoon, fork, knife, butter and jam sachets, a coffee maker, whiteners, sugar, a blender... practically a little kitchen, sparing the microwave. No wonder he is able to munch all the time I have ever seen him in the last 3 months... This I am made to understand is a matter of national concern. Wonder why? According to a recent study, UK is the fattest nation in the world. The government is proposing "healthy eating" at schools, the supermarkets are selling "Organic food", the TV programs are selling "healthy living" and as a result of these initiatives UK aims to become a healthy nation...unfortunately UK has got a job at hand with an un-cooperative citizen.

Mr. Love life: This guy's desk is a place where I always wanted to spend time at. He has photos pinned up all over the desk. Now was the time, I could spend, probably all night, looking at the photos at my leisure. The photographs were mostly of parties. Few friends of his, hugging each other and holding a bottle of beer, the elixir that turns sober humans into super humans at the end of a party. After almost about 15 minutes, I had a feeling that something was amiss in these photographs. A sudden brainwave helped me unravel the puzzle. I noticed that there was not a single lady/girl in any of them. I could feel a chill going down my spine. I recollected some conversations and suddenly the mystery began to unfold. He was GAY. Yes, this is a free land and everybody has the right of expression in this country. Elton John is revered here and so is his gayism. It is now a fad to be gay in the western world. Gay marriages are legalized and they get to keep all the rights and are held equal at all social forums. Earlier, he had made innumerable subtle suggestions and had given hints which my brain waves could not pick up. I slowly walked down the corridor. My mind was thinking of the guy's positional authority and the way he carried himself at office...my brain was inundated with clarifications and questions though my eyes were looking out for the next target the baby boomer.

Ms. Baby boomer: I might sound rude, but this woman is perennially pregnant and this is my 3rd visit in 3 years and all the three years she has successfully managed to deliver 3 kids with if my math is good, 3 pit stops not more than 1 and half months long...Ferrari engineers - You have quite a job at hand and may be start looking at improving your pit stop timings ;-). My employer is very staff friendly and provides us with Paternity and maternity leaves. I think of all the 300,000 employees she would easily top the list of maximum maternity leaves availed in the last 3 years. Her desk is full of "How 2 books...” “Being a mummy for Dummies” to “Child care for dummies”. Never knew the Dummies series even published books for mummies as well. Guess she understood our boss's stress on productivity in a wrong context. Anyway, everybody have their own perspective on this issue lets leave it at that. Coming to the other stuff, I did notice couple of diaper bags. she must have forgotten to take them home and probably its a "wet night" for the baby today. Sorry NO pun intended ;-)

Mr. Fitness freak: This guy come to office in a bicycle. He lives some 10 miles from office and considers cars and any other form of Motorized commutation to be too modern and not too eco friendly. His desk is one hellauva fitness zone. He has all the gear required for cycling, 3 pairs of shoes, couple of track suits, some stinking socks, gloves, fitness magazines, some chyavanprash kind of stuff, glucose and a nice sports water bottle...

Apart from these there is always the usual complement of wine and spirits that have been gifted by people and enough winter clothing to cover half of Africa and the list is just endless...

This experience gave me an insight into people's behavior, the nation's culture, the psyche of its people and lifestyle. Well, all good things in life need to come to an end and so did my little journey. I was tired at the end of this journey... and my wisdom had definitely increased by at least a factor of delta! I definitely deserve wine before I hit the bed tonight...

Ciao