Beer aur Biwi…

Biwi (Hindi) = Wife (English)

One evening at a shopping mall… what was just another shopping trip turned out to be the most hilarious experience ever! A couple, were walking down an aisle of a posh shopping mall, picking grocery for the month. Default setup, wife walking ahead and picking up stuff and a sad hubby pushing the trolley and walking behind his wife… with occasional suggestions to pick up stuff like, raisins, groundnuts then in the toys section poor fellow wanted a spider man which were all rejected with absolute disdain.

I was so much occupied watching this little sweet shopping trip that I almost forgot what I had come for. So, went straight to the toy section picked up my favorite Transformer toy and reached the checkout counter.

Long queues again, so I tuned into my channel again. The wife was at the wine and spirits section and prompting the hubby to come over to pick a beer of his choice. The section is usually close to checkout counters so I couldn’t resist and did some eavesdropping.

Wife: Which beer do you normally prefer?
Hubby: Fosters J

Wife: Ok then, lets pick up one.
Hubby: One? Only one? Are you sure? We are doing our monthly shopping!!!

Wife: (Frowns and gently warns him) Dear, just one should be fine. Always get a brand check it out and if you like it, go for it, otherwise we could always change can’t we? (She picks up the small pint bottle).

Hubby was a proud and happy man! Definitely should have got a clue here when she said “checkout the brand” and at least when she picked 1 small pint! Anyway…

They walked away, leaving me high and dry…

Well, life as it turns out is not WYSIWYG!

Next week again, I was there standing in the long queue waiting to return the toy. Yes, my wife had some “assertive discussions” with me and I was back there promptly to return my favorite toy back L

Coincidentally I met that lucky guy again! We were in the queue and started a conversation… Each of us was explaining why we were back and stuff. I congratulated him for the kind of life he enjoyed and how cool his life was. He shot back (pretty angrily)…

Guy: What? Why? Why? How?

I narrated the entire story to him and said he should thank his stars for; his wife picks his favorite beer for him every month.

What I heard after that was pretty sad… I was feeling a lot better now!

That night… (it was a Friday night)

Wife: Honey, I will put this in the fridge, it needs to be really cold right?
Hubby: Okie dear!

Wife: Tomorrow, we are going to have a fantastic day! Total relaxation! Get up late in the morning, some breakfast, then head massages and then…and then…and then…

At this point usually guys falter. So did this poor guy. He failed to check out what those “then” meant! He thought, “have beer”, “have good lunch”, “have …” what not!

Saturday:

It was a rainy day…

All went to plan till the massage part started.

Wife: Honey! (calls out from the kitchen). I am not able to find the powder which I had bought last time around at the organic beauty shop.
Hubby: Oh! Can you check the left cupboard please?
Wife: In the meanwhile, can you please get the beer out. Otherwise, it would be too cold and I can’t put up with too much cold.

Hubby: (Delighted…) Do you want me to open it right now? Its only 11:00 clock dear in the morning!

Wife: So what? Open it…and wait for me. I will be there right away!

Hubby: (thinking and cursing himself – I should have forced her to get more bottles, but anyway, at least we have made a start so it should be fine. There is always next time)

The wife comes out with a plastic bowl in her hand, deftly making some mixture. In a flash she takes the opened bottle of beer and pours little in the bowl, mixes it vigorously till it froths out and in a single action puts it on his head!

Wife: (with a twinkle in her eyes, expectantly asks) – How does it feel? Cool? Are you enjoying it? This is the new mixture which my mom suggested, and beer is the best conditioner for use with this mixture.

The fantasy world fades away from his eyes and thoughts… This is probably the closest he could get to the “Shock and Awe” treatment. For the benefit of non CNN viewing public, “Shock and Awe” was the phrase used for initial US attacks on Afghanistan/Iraq.

He takes some time, musters up all the courage in the world, clears his throat and replies…
Hubby: Huh, ha, phew, honey, it’s cool. I thought something different…

Just then he notices all the loving, caring, gentle, smiling face turn red…*&%$^#@*&…

What ever happened after that is left to your wildest possible imagination…

By the way, WYSIWYG means “What you see is what you get” It’s not always that way you see...and also grass definitely looks greener on the other side J

I had the last laugh; at least, I was better off spared with a little disappointment that I couldn’t get my favorite toy! After all I have a second chance when I could buy it for my kid!

- Ciao

The Prestige

Every great magic trick consists of three acts. The first act is called The Pledge; The magician shows you something ordinary (a bird in a cage), but of course... it probably isn't. The second act is called The Turn; The magician makes his ordinary some thing do something extraordinary (the bird disappears from the cage). Now if you're looking for the secret... you won't find it, that's why there's a third act called, The Prestige; this is the part with the twists and turns, where lives hang in the balance, and you see something shocking you've never seen before (the bird re-appears in the cage). This is what every magician lives for to see that look on the face of his audience.

The above quote is from a movie called “The Prestige” which was released in 2006. It is a brilliant movie which specifically brings out the reason why a performer (magician) does anything that he does.

If we extend this thought, it applies to any one of us, in whatever role we play every day, we do it for the prestige. There are around 6.6 billion magicians in this world. Everyday and every single human act of kindness is a magic and miracle!

As a father, it gives me immense pleasure to see the bright smile on my kid’s face, when I bring back the doll which I had hidden away from her. It makes me feel special and a hero. At work, we solve many issues, tackle customers etc, but we do not celebrate here. We wait for the moment to showcase the final act which could be going beyond the call of duty or value addition and the appreciation. The midnight wish on a wedding anniversary, is the pledge, but the look on her face when she sees the little ring under her pillow is the prestige. I could go on and on…

I do remember when I first started writing. It was in my 5th standard when I wrote the crime thriller “Red Handkerchief” J It might sound outrageous when I praise myself but read on… I remember what motivated me to write the story. It was just to get praise from my grand father on how good my hand writing was. He had given an editorial from The Hindu (News paper) for practice. I felt it extremely insipid and I thought why not write some story – thus was born “Red Handkerchief” … I took this a little further and started participating in creative writing and other such events. When I read the blogs, I wondered, what it would be like the whole world reading my thoughts and writings and hence started blogging… Now I want to publish a book!

Imagine what the sheer act of prestige would accomplish if I were to win a Booker prize!!!!! J

I definitely acknowledge that there are great men other than me, so, let us take the case of 2 great prodigies from India. Kunnakudi Vaidyanathan & L.Subramaniam. These two are magicians with violin. One plays for the prestige and the other for a purpose. This is how the perception is among the music lovers. Even though many people and their perceptions do not have a scientific basis, they seem to have got it right. L. Subramaniam went on to become a researcher in violin and music in general. Kunnakudi on the other hand though much praised for his innovations he is more known as a show man.

KJ Yesudas a great south Indian carnatic singer, once said, “I sing cine songs for my stomach and carnatic for my soul” and SP Balasubramanian another great cine singer (though having a Guinness record) and having performed the final act of Prestige, still searches for his soul in carnatic music.

Anyway, coming back to the story, any performer (read it as “anybody”) lives and performs for the prestige. It takes time for anybody to transcend from a stage of sense gratification to soul realization. I endeavor to write on topics which I strongly feel about, use words which could influence people, the style that would be enjoyable by all and want my writings to be passed on to the coming generations. But I guess, still I have not enjoyed the ecstasy of the prestige.

I hope to leverage it judiciously and last but not the least I am keen not to end up searching for my soul in the prestige!

-Ciao

Wannabe!

Every one of us have told this kind of statement one time or the other..."I want to be a ...", "I wish I were a..." - These kind of statements are made by people irrespective of the age, caste, creed, religion, sex, socio economic status etc.,

Theory: Everybody wishes or wants to be someone else…

I have also been there and when I think back - I feel this phenomenon of Wannabe! Is quite bizarre. When the "Have not’s’ " wish for something it might sound pretty convincing, but when the "Haves" also wish for things that are easily available, I am bemused.

I presume most of you would have seen interviews of famous people. Say for example the recent Madhuri mela (festival) we had where in she gave interviews to every single channel possible as a part of her promo for Aaaja Nachle (Movie). A question that stood out was from a lass who told that she admired Madhuri and wished if she could be like her and went on to ask "What would you have been, if you were not an actress? Or what did you want to be as a child?" OK...What was she trying to arrive at? To top it all Madhuri answers, "I would have been a micro-biologist" - Huh! I can bet my bottom dollar - she would have been the most beautiful Micro biologist ever (though that might not have been the credit any micro biologist would have craved for).

Any way, what am I trying to put across is that there is no exception to the rule that someone always wants to be someone else... I guess this example is sufficient to corroborate my theory.

A couple of questions haunt me - Will this phenomenon of Wannabe! - kill aspirations and hence overall development of our human race and in turn the planet? Or is this the reason for degradation of basic human values, specifically today in the so called "third world"/"developing" countries and the developed countries in the past?

I am inclined to look the other way - Is there anyway for a lesser mortal other than attaining nirvaana, reach a state where they could be content with who they are?

A pristine and precise quote reads, "Be happy you are what you are considering all the people you could have been." Is this the mantra - I am looking for?

- Ciao

Big Fat Indian Wedding!

Recently I was watching a TV program on "Big fat Indian Weddings"... It was quite an interesting program to watch. I too have had the wonderful opportunity to be a part of many and experience one for myself. And today at office I heard someone have "Maalai maatrinaal, kothai maalai maatrinal" (a famous song played during a typical South Indian, specifically Tamil weddings) as their ring tone. I thought I should share my experience and views on big fat Indian weddings…

I have always wondered why Indian weddings are called “Big fat Indian wedding”. Mind you, this thought did not cross my mind after watching the program or after the wedding party of Lakshmi Mittal’s daughter or Aish/Abhi, but much before that. My family as such is a well accomplished one and we have had at least one foreigner visiting all of the marriages that have ever happened in our family. Mine too was not an exception. And all these foreigners were flabbergasted by the event. In particular, the efficiency with which the event management is done. It is the orchestration of various parties involved in a wedding without dry runs and project management group meetings that makes this a unique accomplishment. An Indian wedding is a very valid example of our innate abilities in terms of managing crowd/people, food, financel, expectation and over all project/event management.

In a typical multi national corporate there is lot of emphasis on the above mentioned management skills. I find that all these aspects are well tested in a typical Indian wedding party than any other wedding ceremony around the globe. I used the term ‘crowd management’ because, we are talking about somewhere in the range of 1200 – 1500 and though most of the people invited to a wedding are our friends and family, in one form or the other, they all behave the same as any other mass public gathering, say, a pop music festival or carnival. So, managing the people becomes a critical issue in Indian weddings. The same applies to financial management for an Indian wedding which is probably the longest (21 years typically) and the most complex activity which is comparable to any investment banker’s effort.

Ironically we Indians in general feel that Indian managers are not as good as their foreign counterparts. I guess, our behavior of free riding, and inconsistent approach are also contributing factors towards this premise.

Setting this corporate thought aside, wedding parties are usually a fantastic gathering of people and great occasion to catch up with long lost relatives and friends. Most wedding parties bring back fond memories and anecdotes which, more often than not is common to one and all. Some interesting highlights that I can remember of…

As kids, we all have attended so many weddings. We have all graduated through the system and have participated in the weddings in various capacities.

Especially as children during primary and secondary schooling days whenever any wedding was planned or discussed about, it used to be honey to ears… Reasons for seeking leave would range from unimaginative stomach pain to a creative once in a lifetime ceremony at home or a medical emergency…I am sure we all have told our share of ‘True Lies’.

During our adolescent stages, we were not much eager to socialize and wanted to be just left alone. Our parents would force us to attend some wedding party, and suggest that we mark an attendance and push off from there, the moment we have had breakfast/lunch/dinner. After all the coercion and cajoling we used to grace the weddings with our auspicious presence… what was supposed to have been a flying visit, some times turned into fantasy flights…

Yes, I am talking about the beautiful strangers… I am sure all of us have had our share of crushes and were smitten by beauties who; we never ended up meeting ever after, and a lucky few who manage to find their life partners. Wedding parties are occasions where mingling is encouraged by all… I used to feel like James Bond with license to kill, just that I had license to flirt.

When I talked about graduating through the system, I did mean it. Drawing parallel to the convocation day, in weddings it is the day when we grow up and get to arrange the nuptials room. It is a thrilling experience to be a part of that elite team of graduates. It is an acknowledgement from elders that we have been formally inducted into the “adult” club… The reason for “” is, in India, still sex is discussed within 4 walls with lights switched off and the topic is rated “A” material… I guess the topic of sex education needs a separate discussion so that it gets the focus it deserves and I will reserve my comments for now.

Wedding parties have the other side to them too…It would be unfair to say that all the weddings have left us only with pleasant memories. There were instances with a difficult relative who cribbed and compared the size of ladoos (spherical Indian sweet) with his son/daughter’s wedding, someone insisting on a particular brand of health drink and that too at 12 in the mid-night and other such unreasonable “requests” which had consequences if not addressed. The omni-present petty fights and silly arguments always added spice to the proceedings.

The insatiable appetite to do things better in all the spheres of a wedding with just one objective of keeping the groom’s people happy all through takes it toll… I would like to take the discussion a little bit north wards and share some of my thoughts and views on the consequences of big fat Indian weddings…this might be a little heavy and might make you feel as if you are watching the second half of a typical Indian film, with all the comedy being over in the first half and drama and climax in the second half… J but still, I guess it is worth it... read on!

The most important consequence of big fat Indian wedding has been the gory episodes of female infanticide in India.

A very idealistic friend of mine has strong views against big fat Indian weddings. He says that one of the very important reasons for female infanticide in our country is because of these big fat Indian weddings. Many parents with a girl child start saving for the marriage fund the day a girl child is born. The event has turned into an overhead and concept of dowry came out as the undesirable offshoot of this otherwise fun family party. India has a 300 million strong middle class population and 700 million socially and economically weak population. The per capita income of an Indian stands at $350…and I understand that an average Indian wedding costs $10000!Check the following site and it is quite interesting...http://www.sepiamutiny.com/sepia/archives/002552.html

The largesse has spawned an $11 billion wedding industry, growing at 25 percent annually and beginning to rival the US industry valued at $50 billion.

The big fat Indian wedding party music turns into a screeching cry of a female infant in some remote village government clinic or care center for abandoned female infants. The ramification of female infanticide is inconceivable… Imagine a day when there would be only men and no women in this country! It’s ticking time bomb and will create a biological imbalance…Will we probably witness our own extinction?

Though the government has come out strongly against dowry practice and has put in stringent laws and measures to curtail this practice it has taken a different avatar so to say. Today, wedding parties have become an arena of competition for grandiosity. This is like the arms race in Asia. No one is forcing India / Pakistan to ramp up on arms and aircrafts but we continue to do so. We have entered into a mutual never ending race which will continue till one of us decides to stop. Similarly, we Indians have entered into a competition of grand weddings and grander gifts. The only way to stop it is for one amongst us to stop!

Following questions race through my mind and I am sure by now, in yours too…Do we need to have such big fat weddings at all? Are we abetting a crime? Should we take a win-win approach by which we can enjoy the party and be socially responsible as well? Can we get innovative and tackle the issue by having laws which provide guidelines on wedding expenses which need to be declared and approved before a wedding ceremony, just like the one we have for election campaigns?

I had a big fat Indian wedding myself but at least I am quite happy to have realized the root cause for a more severe and fundamental problem. I am convinced that we need to ponder over this thought to come up with some action plan.

Spread the word; let us see what others have to say on this.

- Ciao

MAA – LHR – JFK

Yes, those who have done an international travel might have guessed it… These are the acronyms of 3 international airports, MADRAS – LONDON – NEW YORK.

International travels usually involve lot of transit time which probably is the best time for you to be with yourselves for;

1. You cannot call home because you would invariably have switched off your mobiles as they would not be useful the moment you board a flight.
2. International calls are quite expensive and even if you talk it would be usually for few minutes.
3. One invariably travels alone…

Our protagonist, Kittu, (who, detests travel from the bottom of his heart), albeit, alights at London. And friends, as Henry Boye, a famous author says, “The most important trip you may take in life is meeting people halfway”… This story is about a travel our protagonist makes during which he meets two people in this journey halfway, literally and metaphorically.

International travel necessarily involves an early check-in, excruciatingly thorough security check and finally a long wait before you could board the flight. Kittu is a frequent traveler especially in the MAA – JFK route… Using his expertise in buttering the check-in assistants, he has deftly managed to check-in his excess baggage with all the “podi” (powder used for cooking) and pickles. During the exercise he could not avoid coming in contact with the ubiquitous travelers in this route… a “maama” and a “maami” (typical way to address south Indian, especially a Brahmin uncle and aunty).

These maamas and maamis are a species in themselves. They are uniquely identifiable. They have a style of their own. Maama usually would be wearing a T-shirt that invariably reads some University name or some park or zoo name or some arbitrary US city name, a formal pant into which the T-shirt would be tucked into, a pair of sneakers and of course grey hair sometimes bald with a cap which is the same genre as the T-shirt and finally sporting a pair of glasses with suspenders. Maami would typically be wearing a bright Kancheepuram silk saree, dazzling 9 stone diamond studded earrings and a formal leather bag…

As I was describing a typical maama and a maami they had sought Kittu’s expertise in getting their excess baggage as well checked in...

Now that the baggage was checked in, Kittu decides to check out the book store and pick up couple of travel books… which by the way no body reads in the flight as there are more interesting things to do.

Usually there are quite a few things which keeps you ticking during these flights like, the in flight entertainment, working out the scrap food and of course drinks, the challenge of making your way to or from a window seat to the loo in mid-air and finally dealing with your neighbor for sometime up to 24hrs. So, coming back to kittu, he picks up couple of travel books and makes his way to the waiting lounge and picks the pricey seat facing the TV and settles down.

Maama and maami after a grueling security check wander into the waiting lounge and the moment they see kittu, their eyes light up. Basically they were seeing their son Srini in Kittu…

In the inimitable style, Maami starts off a conversation with Kittu;

Maami: Hi, sorry I don’t remember what you said your name was?
Kittu: Krishnaswamy – in short kittu. (No smiles and no formalities, he gets back to his book)

Maami: Oh, so can I call you kittu then?
Kittu: (Grins) Oh yes…
Maama and maami settle down and try to keep to themselves, but cannot.

Usually when south Indian parents see some kid (specifically guys, I will talk about reaction to girls in a bit…) they suddenly feel as if they are looking at a Tsunami victim and that they need to help. They want to talk to the guy, check out how he is doing offer advice and counseling as if he needed it very badly and had written SAVE on his forehead and back…

With girls, the treatment would be totally different. They would talk to only a beautiful girl who they think would be an ideal match for their son. The story is a bit different if they have a daughter though…

Anyways, coming to the main story… Maami has been successful in starting a conversation off with Kittu… They have been talking for about 20 minutes now, basically around where he is from and what his family background is… Given that everything was perfect about Kittu, Maami wanted to convey her side of the story (which Kittu was trying to avoid), the story about her son, his achievements and convince that, if not better she and her family was also equally perfect…

Maami: So, Kittu, tell me, where do you work?
Kittu: BAE – London. (BAE is, British Aeronautical pioneer and it is equivalent to working at NASA)…

Maami: Oh, so you are not working in San Francisco is it? (In a tone which suggested as if it was his failure to make it to Silicon Valley)
Kittu: (Getting a feel of what is coming) No…

Maami passes on this information to Maama who is busy reading the news paper. He acknowledges the receipt of the message with an agreeing nod.

During this time, Kittu is getting a little bit fidgety. But Maami returns…

Maami: So, Kittu, what do you do in your job.
Kittu: I am a design engineer at BAE.

Maami: Oh, so you are not in software?
Kittu: NO..

Maami: (sympathetically) Ok…
Maami: You didn’t ask us where we are headed to…

Kittu: I know maami, I helped you check-in… I know you are traveling to New York and then to New Jersey...
Maami: Oh, yeah, smart boy huh?
Kittu: (wanting to avoid further discussions) Yes…

Maami: (noticing that Kittu’s answers are in monosyllables) Hope I am not bothering you…
Kittu: No maami, it’s OK.

Just then they get the boarding call and off they go… Kittu, rushes to the queue and gets into the aircraft and finds his seat. Being a frequent traveler, he had picked an aisle seat as it was strategically significant especially during the mid-air loo sojourns. Sorts out the pillow and shawl… During these travels it is quite important as to whom your neighbor is... It could be a babe, an intelligent beautiful girl (read as life partner), a business tycoon, a senior manager from a different firm (read as - new job) or alternatively, a crying baby, a nagging nanny or sometimes the fateful maama and maami.

Now having settled down himself, as people pass by he just wishes “No not this one, thank God” and at times “yeah this one please” but only to despair. He then sights maama and maami making their way towards his seat. He had totally forgotten that they were next to him in the queue and had helped them with their check-in and our typical Indian check-in assistant had put them all together in the greater good of elders…

Kittu is in absolute despair and resigns to his fate! To add to the despair, he notices that he had left the travel books at the waiting lounge…

Ladies and Gentlemen please fasten your seat belts………………

Take off was pretty peaceful and Kittu couldn’t wait for the headsets. In the meanwhile, maami, gets started again from where she left off…

Maami: So, my dear son… where is your office you said?
Kittu: London.

Maami: Oh, yeah I remember now…

Maami: My son works in software… he is doing pretty well in US.
Kittu: Ok…

At this point of time, the conversation is turning into an interrogation… More questions on work, promotions, lifestyle …And then the million dollar question arrives…

Maami: How is the pay in London? Heard its quite costly over there…
Kittu: (notwithstanding the tormenting) Yeah it is costly but manageable.

Maami: Ok, but my son gets paid 100K $ - and they have given him house and a car. Also, food is free for him in his office…
Kittu: Oh, good…so it not bad huh?

Maami: (Totally perplexed) do you mean to say that salary is not good for my son? Is he being exploited…
Kittu: (Grabbing this opportunity to play a little game)… No, no I guess the salary is definitely good enough to survive…

Maami: (She cannot believe that there could be someone who is doing better than her son, strategically she has lost the ground) How much do you get paid then?
Kittu: (With a straight face) 450000 Pounds. Which is nearly 900000 $.

Maami: I cannot believe it… huh, I mean good for you.

(she knew, it couldn’t be true and was frustrated that a kid of her son’s age wouldn’t be interested in talking to her… she was not being rude so far, probably a bit intrusive… but it was OK)

Then the retaliation starts in the form of a lecture on how some people get paid more than what they deserve and the throw away money that youngsters have, the concept of savings and holds a moral high ground that what ever is deserving only sticks… Kittu, in the meanwhile receives his much awaited headset and leaves Maami to rant … Having lost the battle, Maami was just waiting for some point which would put her back in the high ground. At this point, drinks get served and Kittu promptly orders for a Jack Daniel’s with Coke…

Maami: Do you drink? My son doesn’t… he is a teetotaler. He is very pious and definitely much better as compared to other kids.

She puts the ball back in Kittu’s court, with a heavy blow to his character and how it is not sufficient to just earn money but to live the values as well, how kids cheat on their parents and exploit their freedom etc., She bludgeons him with the “moral value” club and Kittu is now devastated. What started off as a prank cost him quite heavily! He was certainly not happy with himself.

Maami, after dealing the brilliant blow excused herself to the restroom and to rub salt into the wound she switched places with the Maama! At this point of time good 3 hrs of haranguing had passed by and the flight was over the Arabian Sea nearing Dubai… Not able to comprehend why he did whatever he did. His comments were after all not intentional. He wanted to come good. He wanted to clarify, but he realized it was a tad late.

He was reminded of a book which he had read during one such journey, “Blue Highways” by William Least Heat Moon. An autobiography based on a soul searching 13,000 mile road trip. The author says “What you've done becomes the judge of what you're going to do - especially in other people's minds. When you're traveling, you are what you are right there and then. People don't have your past to hold against you. No yesterdays on the road.” He did not need further hint as to what he should do next…

Kittu, notices some vacant seats 2 rows ahead and requests for a change in place so that he could stretch himself. He does not have the faintest idea that someone else could also be thinking the same…

Kittu settles down in a window seat and looks down at the beautiful expanse of desert sand, and a nanny walks by and settles down just a seat away from him at the aisle. Both share a friendly smile and exchange pleasantries. He notices the English lady’s accent was Indian then British… this was sufficient for him to start off a conversation. The old lady tells him a beautiful story of her childhood and her marriage that happened at Bangalore – Holy Trinity church. She was born and brought up in Bangalore, Cox town area and left to England in 1950 along with other settlers. Her love for India, the stories of her teenage adventures in exploring Indian villages and her bicycle ride through the mustard fields took Kittu away into a wonder land.

This was a story never heard off… it was like watching a movie “1949 a Love Story”. Kittu’s perspective about British took a “U – Turn”. His recent experiences at work place, the racism row in the Big Brother series and little acts of discrimination in his neighborhood had forged an inexcusable attitude towards the British. His initial feeling that he is interacting with a foreigner had faded. He felt as if he is talking to his own “paati” (nanny as referred in Tamil language). He fell in love with that story and his fellow passenger was now his own paati.

He changed seats and moved next to the nanny who had by then had couple of Gin and Tonic and our hero had quite a few drinks to get tizzy (usually a few drinks in mid-air would get you to a state of trance quicker than on land). Kittu got into the standard assurance act. He assured granny that he would take care of her all through the flight and would do what ever it takes to make her feel comfortable…

Just then, some food was served which Kittu hogged and before he could finish, he could hear his tummy rumbling. He started sweating profusely and was feeling really uncomfortable… He requested the nanny to switch places and asked for the aisle seat. Nanny handed him the air-sickness bag and Kittu was filling and disposing bag after bag… He crashed…Assurances were kept… Only that it was nanny who had done it.

PA system blared…Ladies and Gentlemen we are about to land at the London Heathrow International Airport. For passengers alighting at London, thanks for choosing to fly with us and others please remain seated while we board our fellow passengers from London to JFK…

This announcement woke up Kittu… He couldn’t wait to get out of the plane and head home, his sweet home…

Following day he pondered over his travel and felt it was not bad after all and that probably he had learnt more than what could have from the travel book he had left back at the waiting lounge…

No one realizes how beautiful it is to travel until he comes home and rests his head on his old, familiar pillow. ~Lin Yutang a famous Chinese writer and inventor.

- Ciao

Men @ work!

I would like to share an interesting piece from the book “Why men lie and women cry” by Allan and Barbara Pease. This book extensively talks about relationships which by the way you all know is my favorite topic!

They say that men have not changed much since their Neanderthal days. In the good old days, they were primarily tasked with hunting and feeding their families. It was their day job and also a sort of sport because hunting involved moving targets and the challenges that came with it. As the human race evolved, men continued to do what their ancestors did. Even today, man does a day job to earn a living and either participates or keenly follows sports on TV for recreation. Most of the sports, especially ball games (say baseball, cricket etc,) which were invented in 1800 and 1900’s involve chasing a moving target!!

I would like to add that the only innovation is that we have started chasing not only balls but also, girls on scooty, cars and busses (again moving targets). Other than that I don’t think there has been some significant evolutionary change in the way men lead their life.

Probably we still are the same cave men living in costlier/rented caves which are aesthetically designed ;-)

- Ciao

Indiyeah!

“Games Indians play – Why are we the way we are” is a new book which has hit the stands recently. The author V. Raghunathan has used game theory and behavioral economics to explain the Indianness of Indians. In this book Mr. Raghunathan explains and rationales as to why we Indians are individually smart but collectively dumb… Though the book is a little intellectually heavy, it makes a good reading as the author tries to put forward the game theory and behavioral economics in layman’s terms.

Why I am writing about this book is especially because, this book justifies my earlier discussion on “altruism”. The author says that even an altruist is selfish, as, in a way when he/she does an unselfish act it eventually is for his/her own happiness in return. This made me feel really happy that my discussion on altruism is not just a trivial thought but is a topic amongst some of the greatest minds.

J I cannot be more modest can I ;-) Well, well, well.

Just when I had completed reading this book, an interesting incident happened at my work place which went on to justify Mr. Raghunathan’s views that we Indians have weak self regulation and weaker regulations, weak enforcements and weaker punishments.

Now, see the following situation… How many of us apply for a leave and do not return on the day when we are supposed to be back? I guess all of us have done this at some point of time. Given the great manager I consider myself, I follow a unique principle which is to grant leave to anybody at any point of time without asking questions/clarification. In return I agreed with my team that if they commit to return on a day they better keep it up.

One of my team members does not turn up and violates the mutual agreement. In this case though he has earned himself an additional day’s leave, and some satisfaction points, he has lost the credibility and reward points from me in the long run. I was stupefied at the analysis of game theorists on human behavior, especially Mr. Raghunathan’s analysis of Indians. Because, the situation described above is not a common one abroad. Think this through my friends, why will not rest of the world glaringly looked down at us in spite of all the brilliance we have? We need to start working towards improving our behavior soon, as, when the world truly becomes a global village, we could soon become outcasts.

The callousness with which we have behaved in the recent incidents relating to beating up of a petty thief in Bihar, an unattended bleeding naked woman in CST terminus in the busy Mumbai suburban rail compartment, the inconsiderate sting operations for the sake of money, broadcasting gory images of Hyderabad bomb blasts are few other examples of Indianness which further vindicate Mr. Raghunathan’s views/claims.

On the other hand, recently, there are quite a few programs being aired in Discovery channel that discuss/portray India in a good light. This is a paradigm shift from the days when the world media made documentaries only about our plight around poverty situation, illiteracy, AIDS and health care issues. Especially program about Delhi Metro was heartening. Programs about young Indian business tycoons on the breakfast show on CNN IBN show how well we as a nation are progressing in terms of entrepreneurship.

All said and done, we need to think if we should take pride in the phrases, “It happens only in India” and “We are like that only”!

- Ciao

Parenting!

"A hundred years from now it will not matter what your bank account was, or the kind of car you drove...but the world may be different because you were important in the life of a child." Kathy Davis.

Probably it was not that difficult for our parents to bring us up. In the Indian setup, right from Vedas to the social setup there is a proven, time tested framework. Formulae = “I will bring up the child the way my mom did” (there are exceptions to this but we are not talking about exceptions here) and as mentioned in Chanakya niti – First 5 years bring up your child as a darling, for the next 5 scold them, as they turn 16, be their friend!

These days, parenting is portrayed as an art form. Just like we have been pushed to outsourcing our own finances, there is a bigger plot to get the same done for parenting! It might not be too late before we have a degree for parenting. What have you done? B.A in Parenting!

How you treat your children? How you manage their expectations, their questions? What opportunities you provide them? …Every thing, just about everything has changed.

I can vouch that 25 years ago, children grew up more organically. They got to play in the mud, walk through the woods, play in the parks, rode the bicycle on roads and especially got to know the right stuff at the right age…! Technical, economic and socio limitations also helped parents a great deal in bringing up the children easily. With much less questions to answer life was definitely peaceful for them.

With changing times, technical advancements and commercialization we are in the age of “Glucon dads and Moov moms”... Less number of parks and playing area has meant that the child is glued to the TV set… They meet their friends on Orkut! Social networking happens in the virtual world and reality TV shows are the favorite.

Every technical innovation has changed our societal set up… Shaving was an activity reserved for a specific caste. But Gillette changed it all. So did this huge country and its society.

What are the triggers, what should you look out for? – “Spare the rod spoil the child” approach is obsolete…Can our time tested formula withstand the onslaught of technological advances and commercialization? Is the Indian parenting technique sound enough and have the wherewithal to go the distance in this Orkut age?

Do we have to unlearn and re-learn? T.H.I.N.K…

-Ciao

Bookstore...

Last weekend, I visited Crossword bookstore in Bangalore. I love visiting a bookstore. There are a couple of reasons for that. One, it is the only place in Bangalore where you don't have to maneuver around and rub shoulders with “Who’s that???” of Bangalore, and the second is I love reading!

With the coming of stores like Crossword and Landmark, concept of a bookstore has changed a lot. It is not anymore a place where you do quick shopping by telling the title and the store keeper dusting it and bringing it to the checkout counter. There is more crowd and more books! Also, I could see people have started using it as a landmark. Nowadays in cities like Chennai and Bangalore, Landmark has become a “landmark” for people to meet up and plan further.

The socio-cultural anthropologist in me was awakened... I picked up an arbitrary book and started reading the place and people. It was quite interesting.

First section is usually the blockbusters and new entrants neatly merchandised. Usually the most effective sales area, as most people end up buying a book from this section. Next is the Fiction and Murder mysteries section which incidentally is the best selling section as most of us want to live in the fictitious or parallel world and all of us at some point wish to kill someone for various reasons but only that it is not possible and we at least take some respite by reading murder mysteries. To the right of murder mysteries is the self help section. Though the books were mostly on management and "how to become a millionaire" kind of stuff, name of the section “Self-help” was kind of repulsive. None of us want to be seen standing in the self help section especially if we are a little conscious about the beautiful girls around.

Yes, by the way bookstore is brilliant place to meet and pursue girls who are more often than not are available. Other than the obvious reasons which is to buy a book and waiting for their boyfriend, they also visit a book store because, they do not have a boyfriend and or they have been recently dumped and want to go to a public place which is calm and or will calm them down.

Coming back to the layout, the section next to self help is management books. I don’t understand why, is it because managers need self help? Anyways,

Just after the fiction section come the classics. This section is a good place to be, because whichever book you pickup, it would make you look like a guy with a big brain and beautiful heart. Surprisingly, this is the least selling section in the book house.

Then there is the non-fiction, religion and philosophy section. Usually guys who have been dumped or who have not managed a girl friend in their life can be seen here, with a khadi kurtha, thick rimmed glasses and possibly bearded. Some times you will find the “Namdhari” crowd as well in this section. With heavy J. Krishnamurthy book in their hand, they are a conspicuous lot. Looking at them, when I project the data at hand, the number of karma yogis our land produces must turn our country instantly to a puniya bhoomi or something…but that doesn’t seem to be the case.

Just next to the philosophy section is psychology followed by romance and relationships which leads into erotica. Though not many want to look like perverts or people who need self help in their romance life, every single soul takes a quick peek at these sections. They hold the book in hand but don’t seem to read. After a little it more observation I understood the modus operandi. People take the book, and keep looking around to see if anybody is watching them, and quickly glance through the pages to get a glimpse of photos and illustrations. After all who is bothered about the theory, when you can get to see some action? Few minutes in the section and they move on, only to return back now and then.

All the sections mentioned above form the right hand side area of the book store. To the left is where actual business is, where serious readers are, and most importantly the checkout counter is. Books on specific businesses, arts, crafts, children books, workbooks, cuisine, architecture, computer books et, all.

In this country of free riders, book stores are no exception. There are people who read through the costly photo albums of stars and cricketers at the book store without paying a single penny.

Typical people who visit a book store are parents and kids who have come to search for a workbook which the school had prescribed in the desirable section (not even under the necessary category), guys in their late 20’s who have not managed a girl friend or who have been just dumped and have to kill some time during the weekend and at the same time not feel guilty for having wasted the time, girls in mid 20’s same as their counterparts, uncles and aunties who care for the environment and aesthetics, old parents accompanied by their single son/daughter in his/her 40s, recently married couple who have just bought a new house, looking for architecture or a cuisine book, married guys who have dropped their wives off at a beauty parlor not knowing how long it would take before they get the all important missed call!

This might sound preposterous, preconceived and prejudiced, but please, please, please… before commenting on this blog post, I suggest, you visit a book store again say Landmark or Crossword and then do the honors.

- Ciao

Altruistic

There is no “unselfish generous deed” in this world! I didn’t say it. Joey in F.R.I.E.N.D.S says it. He proves it as well. Though comical, it was quite a statement and I definitely was hooked on to it for quite some time.

Why on earth do we have words that do not have meaning or non existent? Human brain always has this weird sense of finding things like this. Later we develop a framework for this and get people to follow/use it. Next natural step is to judge ourselves and beat people for not leading a good life! If you have not come across the phrase "unselfish generous act", how about words like "ethics" and "morals"?

This thought was sufficient for me to find out or do at least 1 unselfish generous act or ethical practice or at least a moral value. I am so obsessed now to do that one act which would prove me wrong, and vindicate rest of the human race for coining such phrases and words...

Neanderthal man killed fellow human beings to feed on / survive in their age. In the current age cannibalism is chastised...what was then acceptable is not now.

Freedom struggle: Did Mahatma fight for the freedom of our country was it an unselfish generous act? He and Millions laid down their lives for our freedom. They are called martyrs because they laid down their lives for the cause of freedom from occupying powers. Could the same be told about Osama and millions of other terrorists who are fighting the occupying forces?

NO. Definitely not. I do not want to sully the Mahatma by comparing with Osama. Hope you understand that discussion on the same plane is just for argument sake. I would like to discuss this to understand the topic of ethics, morals and altruism better.

OK, so, are jihadi's same as our freedom fighters (as the cause is noble and common, which is to get rid of their occupying forces)? Their approach was different though...Jihadis take lives of people for a cause and freedom fighters gave their lives for a cause. How on earth is this ethical/moral? I am stunted to understand this concept :-(

Recently there was a discussion between 2 senior management people (x and y), a senior member (say - z) had quit the organization and started off a venture on his own. Now there was a project in the organization he had quit and tender was floated. Tenders were evaluated and it was now between 2 companies. One was Mr.Z's and other a proven industry leader. Mr. X rejects the proposal of Mr. Z's company telling that if the contract were to be given to Mr.Z it would raise "ethical" questions as Mr.X knew Mr.Z up close. Now, this triggered a series of discussions and I brainstormed over this topic to understand if I had really found moksha at last...

Look at the situation. Mr.X believes he has done an unselfishly generous act on the other company or he that has upheld the ethical and moral values. Is it true? Would you agree to that? I initially did. But if I were to look at it from a different perspective, Mr.Z was in fact denied an opportunity by Mr.X. What was Mr.Z's fault? Is it that he happened to know Mr.X? Who is to be blamed? I gave this some more thought!

Lets take another example, ethical hacking! This is a very modern technological concept. I am again confused...Who governs what constitutes to "ethical" in hacking?

Gay marriage or way of life - we are rewriting morals even here!

So, coming back to my question, isn't ethics, morals and unselfishness surreal?

I believe concepts like these vary from generation to generation. A common book on ethics and morals need to be published probably once for every generation. Also, elders should not quote from their "code book" whilst censuring us on any of our activities, for, the moral and ethical codes might have changed!

Last time I referred the code books, I remember, it said extra marital affair was bad, has it changed? Hey, please do not misconstrue that I am trying to make a case for it...And who said I could write only about relationships ;-)

- Tata

Vaaji Shivaji........!!!

- From my wife's pen - she wrote... "Me, me, me first! I wrote it first".... and then...

"WOHOO!! I watched Shivaji last night with the true spirit of watching a Rajini movie. I dont really belong to the fanatic crowd of Rajini followers who worship him. But I certainly enjoy watching his movies primarily because, my idea of a good movie( well not the best movie) is 'pure entertainment' and there is no question about getting it in plenty.The movie has met all benchmarks of : Shankar's make, Thotta tharani's sets and Superstar's enthralling stunts and dialogues. Superstar looks young as ever and to take the joy of his fans to the zenith, he imitates Shivaji Ganesan, MGR and Kamal hasan while dancing for some of their songs. This is something he has never done before! Actress Shreya is a doll I should say. I'm sure the Tamil fans are ready to take her to new heights in her career with all the cheer in the theater!! She does not have much to do with her acting skills but I can vouch that being a dancer myself, she has a very expressive face and is capable of portraying any kind of emotion.Vivek has done a stellar job again! It was also fun to watch the Tamil veterans Solomon Pappaiya and Raja in the movie.All said and done, it was no disappointment for a person like me and I definitely did 'wohoo' in the theatre like others."

There you go, what more do I need to say! :-) I thoroughly enjoyed watching it... especially with my wife!!

Psst... I will talk about "Competitive spirit" later...

WMD!!

People who are married would be the ones who I think could appreciate this piece. Others just read on and pick up as much as you can.

I have lot of friends and their friends and their friends... who are married. Have heared enough stories, seen lives/relationships falling apart and getting together stronger than before. I feel the same way as President Bush when I hear the words WMD. Just that it means something different to me. I read it as Weapons for Marriage Destruction. Yes, there are several weapons which a husband / wife use while expressing their difference of opinion and perspectives on issues pertaining to the home department and also external affairs.

I would like to categorize the weapons like

1. Short distance (sur)face To (sur)face missiles - shouting at each other on face,
2. Long distance air To air missiles - shouting at each other over phone,

As conventional wisdom says these are non nuclear and hence the impact is contained.

But the fun is when ballistic missiles are used. I am talking about NOT talking! Just like this statement, life gets complicated. Situations can be turned from bad to worse and to worst by just NOT talking. Usually this weapon of NOT talking is employed through both modes of delivery as explained above. First one has less impact because still there is an option of making it up. But when the weapon of NOT talking is delivered over phone (air to air missile), its impact is huge. The communication gap would widen and could result in possible separation.

Finally, the clincher is tipping the war head with nuclear material. SEX!! The mode of delivery is through [(Sur) face - (Sur) face missile)]. NO TALK and/or NO SEX. This has a deadly impact. The moment a fight / argument moves from just a difference of opinion it should stop.

When two nations or empires go to war, they use nuclear weapon as the last option. Probably you would have heard / read in Indian mythology that Brahma astra (Indian mythological equivalent of Atom bomb - Brahma - Atom, U know what I mean??) was never used.

The moment a couple start employing the nuclear option as the first option, remember, they are going down the path of complete annihilation. If any one wins he/she loses and even otherwise they lose.

Think?

Ciao

Boys and their Toys…

After wedding guys get very unromantic and insensitive. There are no more flowers, pink sweaters, soft toys, ice creams, cards, incessant sms etc., This is a usual crib among girls. Ever wondered why?

Just like the compartmentalization concept which I discussed with regards to a girl’s brain, guys have a unique pattern in theirs. I am yet to christen it. If you would like to do the honors please do so in the comments section and I will incorporate it in the article.

As kids, boys are quite happy to play with one toy at any given moment. Even with the toys, there are some requirements. The toy should be animate, make some noise, it definitely should be a no brainer and easy to use, possibly be remote controlled. The one single toy would be his world. It would be easy to feed him, make him sleep and also cajole him when the hell breaks loose with this toy being around. The day the toy stops doing any of the above mentioned functions, the toy would be worth less and would not excite him anymore…

By now I am sure you would understand the plot of this piece…anyway go on, there are few more instances which you would appreciate.

The day a kid goes to school, one of the things that keeps him going is that the fact that there is progression or change every year in terms of the subjects he reads, languages he learns, teachers, friends etc., and he eagerly looks forward to migrating from shorts to pants. Basically there are things which keep changing around him which will get him going. Also, please note, a guy does not have just one friend, but has friends! Usually, quite a lot of them... Bench mate, class mate, gym mate, team mate, lab mate, and as he graduates into adult hood, there is sometimes a pub mate too… Thus there are quite a few people with whom he interacts and this keeps him going.

Mind you in spite of so many people, there is no one seeking any commitment or tying him to a single thing at any point till now.

Also, you would have observed the behavior where the guys go gaga about their new electronic gadget every time they get a new one. Be it with Walkman, diskman, MP3 player, an iPod, or a new watch, latest model of mobile phones, ring tones and the list is just endless.

They just keep moving. At a stage when they have money, a job, an educational qualification, what next? Well, obviously it is a girl. When guys are dating or when they are in love just observe the length to which they go towards convincing, apologizing or conveying their love. It is just phenomenal.

After all this excitement and exuberance in their life the first few months of married life is bliss. Girls get floored with every act of love, care, affection, availability and the expectations sore high like the stock market bull run. Suddenly there is a shift. It comes like the tectonic plate shift that causes Tsunami’s and earthquakes. They become moronic, un-romantic, insensitive and loose the sheen I would say. Why?

Girls you should have the answer by now. And guys if they don’t get it please let them know. Girls have to keep the guy on his toes, keep him excited with something new every day and all the time. Because what they are now looking at is to becoming fathers and bringing up their child, building a new home, earning more money etc., and such an endless list till his grave.

All of us humans (man / woman) do think in the same manner, but men in general work today to live tomorrow. They forget to enjoy today if it is uneventful. Get yourselves a renewed husband.

I have said it all, I want you to think on this, is it valid or just a figment of my imagination… Let me know.

Sensible reticence!

This is quite a simple word but has complex meaning. The basic premise of this piece is that guys are really frank with their girl friends / wives and have had to pay the price for it, sometimes the ultimate price of losing them.

If you are reading this line, it means you do concur or probably think so.

You must have heard or seen situations that are black or white, right or wrong, love or hate. Also, you might have heard or seen things which are not quite clear and is grey, legally right but morally wrong, and sometimes you like but not love. Yes I am talking about the “grey matter”, things that appeal to the brain and not to heart.

Now that I have set the stage, let me plunge into what I set out to communicate.

Whenever the guys are in a relationship we think there needs to be complete frankness between the partners. This drives us to divulging or emptying all the feelings, thoughts and actions which we go through. During this process we sometimes end up getting hurt or hurting each other.

Giving this a thought, I understand and believe that great relationships are not built on complete frankness but on sensible reticence. I read this sometime ago. This does work believe me.

Does this mean we should lie? No. It means that we need to be careful while communicating our feelings, thoughts and actions. Sometimes, it might be irrelevant, untimely or unnecessary. It is always better to be in a situation when you have not said enough rather than you have. By being careful with our talks and actions we are not being unfaithful. It is quite OK for someone you love not to know every thing you thought, said or did.

Ciao

Global Gyan**/Gas?

** Gyan = Knowledge (translated from Sanskrit)

I guess many of you might be familiar with the phrase 3G - it means the 3rd Generation. It could be used to describe things that's to come next or the 3rd Generation as it is favouritely called...

But my definition of 3G is Global Gyan / Gas...

Most companies/entities around you give gyan/gas on things you already know of. Its called the 3rd eye or different perspective. This is the technique used by the marketing agencies to sell us stuff, the same old stuff under the garb of new technology or the zing thing. Just like that I would like to share with you some 3G... read on!!

I just returned from the UK. This is the third day of my return to India! My prodigal roommates have arranged for a small surprise. During the "chilli vodka" party, we discussed among innumerable things, the life in UK and people in UK. Now, it was inevitable for me to start a story and include some spicy stories only to get some global gyan...

I discussed the psyche of a nation that just last year bid for Olympics 2012 and won, and this year, are pessimistic about its success and far from it... are cribbing about the amount of money spent on the "sporting extravagenza". Then, I discussed about the paranoia in that country about their status in world politics to their eating habits. During this conversation as Vodka started whowing its effects I was explaining about how people in the UK especially London, get up every morning and run to their office as if the whole world depended on it, and my prodigal room mate came up with the following story.

Its about Gazels and a Lions in the African jungle. The story goes, "There are Gazels in African forest which every morning start thinking it should run faster than the fastest Lion in the forest to survive that day and there are Lions which think they should run faster than the fastest of the Gazels every day to get food for their survival; and no matter who you are every morning as the sun comes up you start running and this this the world order!!"...

What a story and what a way to put that!!! We humans are no different and no matter what we do and where we are, London or Los Angeles, New York or New Delhi we need to run every morning to survive! Following this, I was explaining to my friend about how I worked hard and what value did I add to the organisation. On a high note! Another story started!!

Its about the 1:2:3 ratio for an employee! Any organisation hires 1 person and pay them 2 people's salary and get the work of effectively 3 people done from them! This just stupefied me... No matter what I said I got a story back! This is the effect of Vodka my friends! I decided to stop telling my UK stories and join the banter!

Sorry, no marks for guessing!! My prodigal roommates are management graduates from XLRI, top dogs paid for flirting with the girls are the most eligible bachelors and giving global gyan/ global gas I would like to call...

BTW, in my last article, when I discussed about husband and wife should live to liven up each other's life! I was just giving global gyan! It doesn't work in reality and no couple is "Made for each other"! Do you want to challenge it?? Well, then, you shouldn't be reading this article together in the first place!!!

- Ciao

Great Expectations!

"Do not expect and thou shall be disappointed" - Bible

This particular ariticle is for my dearest friend the "Known Stranger" and all those friends who keep egging me on to write...

Well, friends, there are certain things in this world wich the GOD tells you not to do and you end up DOING IT.... Not to hurt anybody but certainly yes, we guys end up doing it! - EXPECT!!

OK, Girls, this is not about taking a cheap shot at you and also guys not to glorify you, but this is what we all end up doing...

One fine day, a guy gets a call from his mom telling that she has found a girl - Krrrrrr - a guy calls up his mom and tells that he found a girl - The lifetime partner! They start burning thousands of rupees over the cellular network and at the end of 3 months end up tying a knot / pronouncing "kuboool"or say " I do"... to enter into a lifetime bond with a girl of their choice / their mother's choice.

Great change I should say! Afer wedding they get on with their lives and with the blessings of the elders all "seems" fine. They talk a lot, share a lot and not to mention the physical relationship, everything "seems" just perfect... 2 years hence...

The baby is crying out loud, the first sign of life, both the hubby and wife are happy that they have been able to reproduce (sorry about being harsh!, but yes) they are the proud parents of a kido who has stepped in for a hell of a ride in this evil world surrounded by expectations starting from the fact that the kid would be a he/she till he would become a scientist to "mera ghar ka naam roshan karega" (he will make us proud!). The husband and wife are happy; the life moves on... But if asked to put their hands on heart and say if the husband and wife are happy as a couple, well it's a debatable topic.

Office - Husband: Hey, you know what? I get to my house and see the smiling face of my kid, I forget the whole world!

Home/Office: Wife - Hey, I just live for my kid you know, he/she is such a sweet kid that I forget the whole world when I it's smiling face!

But as a couple are they happy? Read on!!!

This is typical of any couple in India, they get married and 2 years hence have to deliver a kid for their septegenarion father/mother a living doll to play with. They do diligently deliver! But as a couple what about their lives. The two lives which were put together in a "Big Brother" house? Whats this Big Brother house???

This is the name of a TV show in the UK inspired by the novel 1984 by Geroge Orwell where there is a totalitarian situation governed by a fictitious character called Big Brother who governs the lives of people in a house. The food, entertainment and lives are controlled by BigBrother and the social experiment is for the whole world to watch! Yes, that's how I describe a married life of an (initial 2 years) Indian couple's life as. They are 2 people who do not know each other, and are put together by Big Brother (dad/mom??) in a house and asked to live together. They undergo severe stress and ups and downs and during one of their weakest moments produce the baby!

The baby grows old and so do the husband and wife... The kid becomes the focal point of their lives. They live for the kid, when the kid smiles the husband and wife smile, when the kid cries, the husband and wife fight! (Why dont you do this, why dont you do that? Why cant you manage the kid why shouldn't you change the diaper? etc etc... and the life goes on!) Over a period of time the kid becomes the mode / channel of communication. Husband says to the kid - Tell your mom, we could go out for a dinner today, we could go out for a movie today!. The wife tells the kid, tell your father to bring this / that! Tell your dad the food is ready! etc., situations. At the end of the day the kid gets old enough to take any more non-sense and says "dudes, I am moving out with my new boyfriend/girlfriend!". The parents are left in the lurch. They start living together again till one of them sees the grave. Then the realisation strikes and they wait for their turn!

Tell me friends, how many of you have enocuntered this situation where in you are the medium of communication between your dad / mom?? This is a horrible situation. Well, if you are in this situation already and reading this article, what do you need to do? Tell your parents to go get a life for themselves! Tell them the following! If you are yourselves in this situation... I would suggest - Go get a life for yourselves!

There are only 2 relationships in this world which are the strongest!

1. Between a mother and child

2. Between a husband and wife!

These are the only 2 relationships in life where there is a physical connection and no matter what, they are the purest and strongest bonds that ever existed between 2 human beings! They can never give up each other!

Though the relationship between a man and a woman (husband and wife) is ir-revokable and tough to break but, why do they break? It is because of a simple fact that they do not care to give each other what they care / like the most. The husband fails to say "I Love You"/"I care for you" / "I miss you" and the wife fails to give her best on bed and bread! (Given the theory that way to a mans heart is through his stomach ;-)

So , the wisdom that's being shared here is, before you start saying "When you see your kid you forget the whole world / I forget all the troubles in life..." remember to check if you said "When I see my wife/husband I forget all the troubles in my life"... Couples - please ensure that you liven up each others life before you bring a life to earth!

- Ciao

Oru Iravu...**

** One Night…

This is the Friday before Christmas and its 9.30PM...Head office of one of the largest retailers in the world, UK. The weather outside is just about freezing and looks like it would snow anytime. I have some company though, couple of electricians and some good music over the radio amplified by a BOSE speaker. They too seem to be finishing their work and leaving for the day. It is one of those nights which any sensible guy would want to spend with family and friend. But I have got neither at this lonely moment. I was the "chosen one" to monitor a black and green UNIX box for a magic number of 200. Nothing much for the brain cells to crunch on. So here I am, munching some grub and writing this blog. I had a choice.

1. To think of my fate and brood over it or
2. To enjoy this very special moment as it revealed itself.

I chose the later. Well, it’s been quite an experience and worth sharing.

This office does not have CCTV. So I am the master of this little universe at this hour when there’s nobody but God watching over me. I can literally do whatever I want or wish.
People whom we meet each day in office in a distant land from India are always a mystery. They usually do not talk much and keep themselves restricted to their "personal space". There are some intriguing facts about westerners at office. They seem to have a dress for all occasions, they come to office by bicycles, constantly keep munching something or the other, always have some lotion to apply, a vacation they have been just back from or going to, their dogs, cats and pets, so on and so forth. What I am about to say might be disturbing to many of you. mmm... I decided to intrude into their personal space!!

Yes, I took myself on a small tour around the desks especially some of the mystery figures. At the end of my journey, it was a revelation. Stuff I found in this office space was beyond anybody’s imagination.

Ms. Beauty Saloon: This is the desk of one of the most beautiful girls / lady in my office. Obvious choice, for the first stop. On her desk I found that she had truck loads of tissue papers, a small bottle of Nivea cold cream, a L’Oreal’s tan brown lipstick and a cute shell comb. Mind you this is an office desk and not a makeup table. No wonder, even after walk through our parkway from the other building on a windy day she is all decked up for the most important meeting with our boss. I used to look like a barbaric early Neolithic man with hair all over the place, dry hands and whitened elbow joints. I can understand the make up kit. But what could possibly explain the presence of a box which reads "Wonder bra!!”... Uh, it is beyond my reasoning capabilities. Its better unexplained. A fur coat, pedicure file, mobile charger, cute teddy bears and other possible soft toys....and the list of office stationary is endless so I should say - et al.

Mr. Muncher's Desk: My dear muncher sits few desks to the left of Ms. Beauty saloon. Well, his desk is a small convenience store. Should anybody at office feel hungry and not find anything at the vending machine / pantry, I would suggest they lookout for Muncher's desk. Food stocked at his desk is sufficient to eliminate poverty in large parts of Africa. Decorated fruit bowl (with fruits obviously), nuts, cake biscuits, cakes, chocolates, can of juice, sandwich, ketchup, salt, pepper, plates, plastic spoon, fork, knife, butter and jam sachets, a coffee maker, whiteners, sugar, a blender... practically a little kitchen, sparing the microwave. No wonder he is able to munch all the time I have ever seen him in the last 3 months... This I am made to understand is a matter of national concern. Wonder why? According to a recent study, UK is the fattest nation in the world. The government is proposing "healthy eating" at schools, the supermarkets are selling "Organic food", the TV programs are selling "healthy living" and as a result of these initiatives UK aims to become a healthy nation...unfortunately UK has got a job at hand with an un-cooperative citizen.

Mr. Love life: This guy's desk is a place where I always wanted to spend time at. He has photos pinned up all over the desk. Now was the time, I could spend, probably all night, looking at the photos at my leisure. The photographs were mostly of parties. Few friends of his, hugging each other and holding a bottle of beer, the elixir that turns sober humans into super humans at the end of a party. After almost about 15 minutes, I had a feeling that something was amiss in these photographs. A sudden brainwave helped me unravel the puzzle. I noticed that there was not a single lady/girl in any of them. I could feel a chill going down my spine. I recollected some conversations and suddenly the mystery began to unfold. He was GAY. Yes, this is a free land and everybody has the right of expression in this country. Elton John is revered here and so is his gayism. It is now a fad to be gay in the western world. Gay marriages are legalized and they get to keep all the rights and are held equal at all social forums. Earlier, he had made innumerable subtle suggestions and had given hints which my brain waves could not pick up. I slowly walked down the corridor. My mind was thinking of the guy's positional authority and the way he carried himself at office...my brain was inundated with clarifications and questions though my eyes were looking out for the next target the baby boomer.

Ms. Baby boomer: I might sound rude, but this woman is perennially pregnant and this is my 3rd visit in 3 years and all the three years she has successfully managed to deliver 3 kids with if my math is good, 3 pit stops not more than 1 and half months long...Ferrari engineers - You have quite a job at hand and may be start looking at improving your pit stop timings ;-). My employer is very staff friendly and provides us with Paternity and maternity leaves. I think of all the 300,000 employees she would easily top the list of maximum maternity leaves availed in the last 3 years. Her desk is full of "How 2 books...” “Being a mummy for Dummies” to “Child care for dummies”. Never knew the Dummies series even published books for mummies as well. Guess she understood our boss's stress on productivity in a wrong context. Anyway, everybody have their own perspective on this issue lets leave it at that. Coming to the other stuff, I did notice couple of diaper bags. she must have forgotten to take them home and probably its a "wet night" for the baby today. Sorry NO pun intended ;-)

Mr. Fitness freak: This guy come to office in a bicycle. He lives some 10 miles from office and considers cars and any other form of Motorized commutation to be too modern and not too eco friendly. His desk is one hellauva fitness zone. He has all the gear required for cycling, 3 pairs of shoes, couple of track suits, some stinking socks, gloves, fitness magazines, some chyavanprash kind of stuff, glucose and a nice sports water bottle...

Apart from these there is always the usual complement of wine and spirits that have been gifted by people and enough winter clothing to cover half of Africa and the list is just endless...

This experience gave me an insight into people's behavior, the nation's culture, the psyche of its people and lifestyle. Well, all good things in life need to come to an end and so did my little journey. I was tired at the end of this journey... and my wisdom had definitely increased by at least a factor of delta! I definitely deserve wine before I hit the bed tonight...

Ciao